11 signs of emotional maturity (and how to become more mature)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn what emotional maturity is, including its signs and what immaturity looks like. Plus, how to become more emotionally mature and increase your wellbeing.
You know those days where the you-know-what hits the fan and you wish you could storm out and slam the door behind you, yet somehow manage to keep it together? Well, that’s emotional maturity at work. It’s those moments where you wish you could scream at someone, but instead you take a breath and make a better choice for yourself and those around you.
Being emotionally mature is essential in a world where we can’t all walk around tantruming all day—bummer we know—but that’s not to say you shouldn’t feel your feelings and process your emotions. There’s an important difference between stuffing your emotions and responding to frustrating situations with maturity. Let’s dive in.
What is emotional maturity?
Emotional maturity is when you can recognize your emotions, know why you feel them, and handle them in a productive or effective way. Being emotionally mature might make you more likely to stay calm in stressful situations, and think clearly before you act.
Emotional maturity may also help you understand how your actions can affect others, and make choices that consider those around you.
Being emotionally mature doesn't mean you never get upset or make mistakes, you’re human after all. Instead, it means you know how to handle those feelings and learn from your experiences. It’s also much easier to be emotionally mature when you’re handling the everyday stressors of your life effectively, but more on that later.
11 signs of emotional maturity
What does emotional maturity look like? Truth be told, it looks different on different people. With that said, there are some common signs that you might see exhibited in the majority of emotionally mature adults.
1. You can control your emotions
Your self-awareness means you understand your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and the triggers that might set you off. You’ve learned to recognize how your feelings affect your thoughts and actions.
If you’re emotionally mature, you are less likely to react impulsively to your feelings, but instead can stay calm under pressure. If something unexpected happens, you can take a moment to breathe and think before responding appropriately, also known as self-regulation.
2. You take responsibility for your actions
Being emotionally mature means you don't blame others for your problems, but own your mistakes and figure out how to fix the issue or avoid it in future. If you miss a deadline at work, rather than complaining that the deadline was too soon, you might figure out ways to get the word done more effectively in the future.
3. You have empathy
Emotional maturity means seeing things from someone else's perspective and feeling what they feel. This kind of empathy may help build strong, positive relationships. If a friend is upset, you listen and offer support, helping the friend feel understood and valued. Try these eight exercises to cultivate more empathy.
4. You handle constructive criticism well
Instead of getting defensive or taking feedback personally, you can listen thoughtfully and use it to improve yourself. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t take offense if someone is being critical of you for no reason. Emotional maturity is understanding the difference between when someone is offering constructive criticism, and when someone is crossing a boundary.
5. You have good communication skills
When you’re emotionally mature, you collaborate with others constructively when you’re working in a team. In a disagreement, you might choose to express your thoughts and feelings honestly without being hurtful, and then listen to the other person's perspective. Check out these five ways to become a better listener.
6. You set healthy boundaries
Having healthy boundaries is a cornerstone of emotional maturity. You understand your limits and communicate them clearly to others so that you feel respected. If you need time alone to recharge, you can politely decline social invitations without feeling guilty. If your workload is too intense, you can politely decline further work until you finish what you’ve got on your plate.
7. You stay positive
Instead of dwelling on problems, you focus on finding solutions. This kind of emotional maturity helps you stay hopeful and proactive as you work to overcome obstacles. If you find that it’s becoming harder to stay positive then it might be time to lean into self-care.
8. You practice self-care
Self-care can sound indulgent, but it’s truly important. If your energy stores are low, you can’t do anything well for yourself or for others. Emotional maturity means you make time for healthy eating, movement, rest, and relaxation. It also means carving out time to be with those you love.
9. You’re adaptable when things don’t go as planned
You might handle setbacks by adjusting your plans when things don’t go as expected. If a project changes direction, you embrace the new plan and stay focused on the end goal. Emotional maturity is also knowing that it’s okay to feel disappointed when things change and that you can create space to process those feelings too. You don’t have to immediately jump back on the horse if you get bucked off.
10. You forgive easily (when appropriate)
If you’ve had a conflict with someone and apologies are offered, emotionally mature people will forgive, let go, and move on. It’s also important to feel pain and express hurt feelings. Emotional maturity makes space for all of this.
11. You seek personal growth
Many emotionally mature people are students of life. You feel motivated to set goals, seek new knowledge, and strive to be better every day. You might take up a new hobby, go to workshops, or read books to help you grow.
11 signs of being emotionally immature
Having a lack of emotional maturity may create challenges in life and in your relationships, so it’s wise to watch out for the signs so you can check yourself before you wreck yourself. Or, if you have people in your life who lack emotional maturity, knowing these signs may help you better understand their behavior.
1. Blaming others: Emotionally immature people may avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead blame others.
2. Frequent emotional outbursts: Emotionally immature people may have a quick temper and react impulsively to situations, perhaps yelling or having tantrums when things don’t go your way.
3. A need for constant approval: A lack of emotional maturity may show up as someone who needs constant reassurance that they’re doing well. Their self-esteem may be dependent upon external feedback.
4. Avoiding difficult conversations: Instead of addressing issues directly, they may ignore problems or hope they’ll resolve on their own. They might avoid discussing conflicts with a partner, or shy away from giving constructive feedback at work, which may lead to unresolved issues and growing resentment.
5. A struggle to feel empathy: They may find it hard to understand or care about other people’s feelings. This might mean they dismiss a friend’s concerns as unimportant, or fail to recognize when someone’s upset.
6. Resistant to change: Emotionally immature people might struggle to adapt, or get upset easily when things don’t go as planned. They may resist new ideas or changes, becoming frustrated when routines are disrupted.
7. Holding grudges: People lacking emotional maturity tend to hold onto past grievances and let them fester, which may damage relationships and prevent them from moving forward.
8. Impulsive behavior: They might make rash decisions, such as quitting a job or making large purchases without considering the wider view.
9. Struggles with self-control: They may have difficulty managing their impulses and desires. They might overeat, overspend, or engage in risky behaviors without considering long-term effects.
10. A victim mentality: An emotionally immature person may feel that life happens to them, rather than seeing themselves as an active participant who can make positive choices and changes.
11. Overly sensitive to criticism: They could take feedback very personally and become defensive or upset, which may hinder their ability to grow and learn from others.
How to become emotionally mature: 14 tips for personal growth
Emotional maturity isn’t something we’re born with, it develops through self-awareness, practice, and effort. Building greater emotional maturity may enhance your relationships, improve your decision-making, and increase your overall wellbeing. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
1. Practice mindfulness to tune into yourself
Take time each day to be present in the moment and fully aware of your thoughts and feelings. Use meditation, deep breathing, or simply paying attention to your surroundings to help you understand your emotions better and respond a little more calmly to stress.
💙 New to practicing mindfulness? Check out the Mindfulness for Beginners series.
2. Reflect on your actions and learn from them
At the end of each day, think about how you handled different situations. Ask yourself what you did well and what you could improve. This can help you learn from your experiences and make better choices in the future. On days where you feel like you’ve been put through the ringer it can help to be kind to yourself and reflect on what you’re thankful for.
💙 Let this meditation help you Unwind with Gratitude at the end of your day so you can drift off feeling good.
3. Learn to forgive others who have hurt you
We know this isn’t always easy, but sometimes forgiveness is really for you and not the other person. If you’re holding onto hurt, you can bet that you’ll be holding that grudge longer than the other person will be feeling badly about what they did. Humans are just like that. So do whatever you need to do to process the feelings (maybe journaling?) and then do your best to let go and move on.
💙 If your finding forgiving someone to be difficult, explore our series on Forgiveness.
4. Develop empathy so you can see other perspectives
Try to see things from other people’s perspectives and understand their feelings. When someone shares their concerns, listen actively and show you care. This may help build stronger, supportive relationships.
💙 If it’s challenging to see situations from another person’s side, explore our session on Empathy from the Daily Calm.
5. Improve your communication skills
Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully. Listen to others without interrupting, and be open to feedback. This may help prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts.
💙 Communication can be difficult — especially when moments are tense. If you need some pointers, explore this session on Kind Communication from our Relationship with Others series.
6. Set goals for self-improvement and aim for personal growth
No one wakes up one day and is suddenly a fully mature adult. We get there by setting goals and aiming for growth. If you struggle with managing stress, you might set a goal to practice relaxation techniques daily. Regularly review your progress and adjust your goals as needed. This way you can take incremental steps towards achieving your goal.
💙 If you’re pushing yourself to pursue lofty goals, practicing Radical Self-Compassion with this help of this series is key.
7. Get feedback from those you trust
Ask trusted friends, family members, or mentors for honest opinions on your behavior and attitudes. Be open to their suggestions and use their insights to improve yourself.
💙 Sometimes getting feedback means sweaty palms and increased heart rate. Check out Reframing Feedback to help you look at receiving feedback productively.
8. Consider therapy or counseling if you need extra guidance
If you find that you’re struggling with your emotions or mood, it might be time to call in the pros. Talk to a coach or therapist to help you understand your emotions and develop healthier ways to manage them.
9. Be patient with yourself during this process
When you’re faced with challenges, give yourself time to think things through and avoid rushing to conclusions. This might help you stay calm and make more thoughtful decisions. Eager to be more patient? Explore these seven ways to practice patience.
💙 Patience, just like so many other parts of life, is a practice. Explore this Patience body scan meditation to flex your patience muscle.
10. Manage stress effectively through self-care
Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercising, journaling, or spending time with loved ones — explore different practices to find what works best for you (here are 10 ideas to get you started). Also, do your best to avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating or substance abuse.
💙 If your self-care practice needs a little overhaul, explore our Radical Self-Care series.
11. Build healthy relationships with your people
Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who encourage your growth with understanding and constructive feedback. If you don’t have a community of people you trust and love, explore what your community has to offer. Local groups, charity organizations, running clubs, book clubs and the like can help you feel like you’re part of something bigger than yourself and your own life.
💙 Explore Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship to keep your treasured relationships in great standing.
12. Embrace change when needed
Welcome new experiences and be willing to step out of your comfort zone. Trying to view change as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat can go a long way towards building emotional maturity.
💙 Change can be frustrating. Explore this meditation on dealing with Change guided by Jay Shetty.
13. Make time for yourself
Get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, and engage in regular exercise to support your physical and mental health. And don’t forget to set aside time for relaxation and activities that bring you joy. Eager to find more happiness in your life? Explore these nine simple and helpful tips.
14. Stay positive (when appropriate)
The path to emotional maturity involves navigating life’s challenges with a focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. But, sometimes you’ll feel frustrated and see setbacks as massive roadblocks instead of opportunities to learn and grow. When you feel upset or disappointed, take your time to process those feelings. Then check out the silver linings once you’re ready.
💙 Try these 10 positivity mindset tips to help you be more positive in your day to day.
Emotional maturity FAQs
How can I assess my level of emotional maturity?
To gauge your level of emotional maturity, start by examining how you handle stress, criticism, and conflict. Do you remain calm and composed, or do you react impulsively?
Think about how you respond to other people’s emotions — are you empathetic and understanding, or do you struggle to connect with their feelings? Do you express your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully?
Reflect on how well you take responsibility for your actions: when things go wrong, do you own up to your mistakes, or do you tend to blame others?
Lastly, ask trusted friends or family members for their honest feedback about your behavior and attitudes. They may provide valuable insights that you might not see on your own.
By combining self-reflection with others’ opinions, you might gain a clearer picture of your emotional maturity, and see areas for improvement.
How can emotional maturity improve my personal relationships?
Emotional maturity can enhance your personal relationships because it can help you communicate well, prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts peacefully. You’re likely able to express your thoughts and feelings honestly without being hurtful, and listen to others with empathy and respect, which may help nurture deeper connection and trust with your loved ones.
Emotional maturity might also help you approach conflicts with a problem-solving attitude, looking for solutions that work for everyone involved. This may help reduce tension and build stronger, more resilient relationships. By taking responsibility for your actions and learning from your mistakes, you can contribute to a positive, supportive environment where you and the people around you can thrive.
What role does emotional maturity play in professional success?
In the workplace, being able to manage your emotions and respond thoughtfully to challenges may help you handle stress, stay calm under pressure and make rational decisions. This may help you navigate difficult situations and maintain productivity.
Being able to express your ideas clearly, listen actively, and provide and accept constructive feedback can promote better teamwork and collaboration. If you take responsibility for your actions, admit when you’re wrong, and learn from your experiences, you can build trust and respect with colleagues and supervisors.
The ability to adjust to new circumstances and bounce back from setbacks can help create a positive work atmosphere. This may lead to increased efficiency, job satisfaction and opportunities for career advancement.
Can therapy help in developing emotional maturity?
Therapy can help you develop emotional maturity by providing a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and learn healthier ways to manage them.
A therapist can help you understand the causes of your emotions and reactions, so you can make more conscious choices about how to respond in different situations. Therapy may also help you learn to express your thoughts and feelings more clearly and empathetically.
If you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, or past trauma, a therapist can help you build resilience and coping skills to help you overcome these challenges and emerge stronger. The guidance, support, and practical strategies may help you move toward greater emotional maturity.
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