6 examples of empty platitudes you should stop using
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover what platitudes are, including 6 examples of useless ones. Plus, why you should stop using platitudes and replace them with supportive communication.
Have you ever been upset, but talking about it with a friend makes you feel even worse somehow? This might be because your friend, while well-intentioned, was using platitudes—empty, pat statements—to comfort you.
This is a common occurrence. You may even have used platitudes yourself. After all, it can be tough to know how to comfort someone who’s having a hard time. However, platitudes tend to be overly simplistic and lack genuine empathy, which can make them feel unhelpful to the person you’re trying to console.
What are platitudes?
Platitudes are overused, overly simplistic statements that are often said in an attempt to offer comfort or wisdom to someone.
We might use platitudes during times of grief, disappointment, or personal struggle, as they can seem like quick and easy ways to provide reassurance. However, these statements can sometimes come across as dismissive or minimizing, as they often don’t engage with the true feelings and experiences of the person we’re talking to.
By avoiding platitudes, we can start to engage in more thoughtful and empathetic conversations that truly acknowledge and support the emotions and experiences of others.
6 examples of useless platitudes
Instead of providing genuine support, platitudes often oversimplify complex emotions and experiences, making it harder for people to feel understood and validated. Recognizing and avoiding these common platitudes can help you improve your communication and offer more meaningful support.
1. "Everything happens for a reason.”
This phrase suggests that every event has a hidden purpose or outcome that’s meant to be. While this may offer some comfort, it can also invalidate someone's pain by implying their suffering is necessary or justified.
2. "Time heals all wounds."
While time can help people process their feelings, this statement can dismiss the full healing process. It doesn't acknowledge the immediate pain someone might be experiencing or the fact that some wounds may never fully heal. It can also make people feel pressured to quickly get over or move past their feelings.
3. "It could be worse."
This phrase can minimize someone's current struggles by comparing them to potentially worse scenarios. Implying that they shouldn't feel as bad as they do because others might be suffering more can make the person feel guilty for their feelings. It can even prevent them from fully expressing and processing their emotions.
4. "Look on the bright side."
Encouraging someone to focus on the positive aspects of a situation can sometimes come across as dismissive of their sadness or grief. This can also come across as toxic positivity, which disregards the valid negative emotions that are natural in difficult situations.
5. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
This phrase suggests that enduring hardships will inevitably lead to personal growth and strength. While overcoming challenges can lead to growth, saying this can pressure people into feeling they need to be strong all of the time, instead of allowing them to be vulnerable and in need of support.
6. "Everything will work out in the end."
Without acknowledging the real possibility that everything may not work out in the end, this platitude can offer false hope and may prevent someone from fully addressing and preparing for potential negative outcomes.
Why you should stop using platitudes
It's helpful to use fewer platitudes in our conversations and instead encourage genuine, empathetic communication. Platitudes can minimize people's emotions and experiences, making them feel unheard and unsupported. This can cause negative psychological effects—like anxiety, depression, and isolation—as people can feel their pain is being brushed aside and seen as unimportant.
When we rely on platitudes, we miss the opportunity to connect on a deeper level and offer true support. True empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of another person. Using platitudes might stop someone from talking about their immediate pain or seeking the help they need right now.
Validation is important for emotional wellbeing, as it helps people feel seen and understood. By moving beyond superficial statements and engaging more intentionally, thoughtful conversation can provide the kind of emotional support that genuinely helps people through their challenges.
How to replace platitudes with supportive communication: 8 tips
By engaging in more meaningful and supportive communication, you can connect with others on a deeper level, which can strengthen your relationships.
1. Acknowledge feelings
Instead of offering a platitude, try validating the person's emotions. For example, instead of saying, "Everything happens for a reason," try, "I can see you're really upset about this." Acknowledging their feelings shows you care about what they're going through.
💙 Bring more ease to pain by acknowledging their feelings, as outlined in our 7 Days of Soothing Pain guided meditation series.
2. Offer specific help
Ask how you can support them. For example, instead of saying, "Time heals all wounds," ask, "Is there something I can do to help you right now?" This shows you’re willing to take action.
💙 Help your friend navigate through life’s Waves of Change with guidance from Tamara Levitt’s Emotions series.
3. Be present
Sometimes, just being there and listening is the best support you can offer. Instead of saying, "It could be worse," simply offer your presence by saying, "I'm here for you no matter what." Being present and attentive can provide comfort and reassurance.
💙 Practice Holding Space for your friend—and being there—as they navigate their difficult feelings.
4. Ask open-ended questions
Encourage the person to share more about their feelings and experiences. Instead of saying, "Look on the bright side," ask, "How are you coping with everything?" Open-ended questions can encourage them to express themselves more fully.
5. Show empathy
Express understanding and compassion for what they’re going through. Instead of saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," acknowledge their struggle. Try, "That sounds really tough. I'm sorry you're going through this." Empathy can help people feel understood and supported.
💙 Discover how Grief and Empathy go hand-in-hand with the help of Lama Rod Owen’s Caring for Your Grief series.
6. Share your own feelings carefully
Sometimes, sharing your own experiences can help, but make sure it doesn't overshadow their feelings. For example, instead of saying, "Everything will work out in the end," you might say, "I've been through something similar, and it was really hard for me. I'm here if you want to talk about it."
7. Offer reassurance when appropriate
While avoiding false hope, you can still offer positive support. Instead of saying, "It could be worse," you can say, "I believe in your strength, and I'm here to support you through this." Reassurance can be comforting, especially if you acknowledge the person's feelings and offer genuine support.
💙 Try Supportive Listening to further support your friend or loved one during their time of need.
8. Follow up
Show you care by checking in with the person later, perhaps with a text message or call to see how they’re doing. This ongoing support can make a significant difference in their recovery and wellbeing.
Examples of platitudes FAQs
Why do people use platitudes if they're not helpful?
People often use platitudes because they want to offer comfort and support but may not know what to say. Platitudes are easy to remember, making them a go-to response in awkward or uncomfortable situations. They might also stem from a cultural norm of wanting to provide immediate reassurance.
Some people might use platitudes because they’re unsure how to handle their own discomfort with someone else's pain. While the intention behind using platitudes is usually positive, they often fall short of providing meaningful support.
How can I gently tell someone that their platitude isn't helpful?
You can express appreciation for someone’s concern for you, while explaining your need for a different kind of support. For instance, you might say, "I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate that. Right now, I really need someone to listen and try to understand how I'm feeling." This approach acknowledges their good intentions while guiding them toward a better response. It's important to be gentle and understanding, as they may not realize their comment was unhelpful. By explaining what you need, you help them learn how to support you better.
What are some alternatives to platitudes that can be used in difficult conversations?
Instead of relying on platitudes, try using empathetic statements. These can help to validate the person's feelings, and offer specific support.
"I'm really sorry you're going through this." This shows empathy and acknowledges their pain.
"That sounds really tough. How are you feeling about it?" You’re inviting them to share more about their emotions.
"I'm here for you. What can I do to help?" This offers specific support and shows your willingness to be there for them.
"It's okay to feel upset. Your feelings are understandable." Validating their emotions can be reassuring.
How can I recognize when I'm using platitudes in my own speech?
To recognize when you're using platitudes, pay attention to whether your statements feel overly simplistic or dismissive. Ask yourself if your words genuinely address the other person's feelings and the situation. Do they open up a deeper conversation or shut it down? If you find yourself repeating common phrases that don't seem to connect with the person's emotions, you might be using a platitude. Going forward, practice active listening and focusing on the other person's specific experiences.
What are some strategies to handle hearing platitudes from others?
When someone uses a platitude, try redirecting the conversation to fully express yourself. With the right strategies, you can communicate your needs more effectively and guide others toward providing the kind of support that’s truly helpful.
Acknowledge their intent: Start by appreciating their effort. "I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate that."
Express your feelings: Let them know how the platitude makes you feel. "That comment makes me feel like you don’t really understand how I’m feeling."
Guide them toward better support: Suggest what would be more helpful. "What I really need is for someone to listen and try to understand how difficult this is for me."
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