How to get over the past: 10 tips to help you move on
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover why it's hard to let go of a past relationship, belief, or challenging experience. Plus, how to get over the past with 10 tips to help you move on.
Letting go of the past can be one of the most challenging emotional tasks we face in life. You may even be asking yourself — where would I even start? Whether it’s a past relationship that you can’t quite seem to let go of or a difficult experience that still haunts you, the past can feel impossible to release. And it’s not just experiences — even deeply held beliefs or lingering memories and feelings can hold us back from fully living in the present.
However, it’s possible to relieve yourself of this burden. Working on forgiveness, journaling, and mindfulness, among other practices, are all small and actionable steps you can start taking today to help ease the heaviness and move forward.
Why is it so hard to let go of the past?
Letting go of the past is a common struggle for many people, and there are several psychological reasons why.
Attachment: We naturally form strong emotional bonds with people, places, and memories. These connections can provide comfort and become part of our sense of self.
Fear of the unknown: Holding on to the past can feel safer because it’s familiar, even if it includes negative experiences. Fear can prevent us from embracing new opportunities.
Nostalgia: It can be difficult to move forward if we idealize past experiences.
Unresolved emotions: Unresolved anger, sadness, regret, or guilt can keep us tied to past events, leading to emotional and psychological stress.
Impact on personal growth: When we're preoccupied with what's already happened, we can miss out on new opportunities and future potential. This can lead to a cycle of regret and missed chances.
10 tips to get over the past
Once you’re aware of what may be holding you back, you can take proactive steps to overcome the past and start living a more fulfilling life in the present.
1. Journaling
Write down your thoughts and feelings to help you understand and process past events. Journaling can help you gain insights into your emotions, identify patterns, and track your progress over time.
💙 Lean into how you feel right now with an Emotions Check-In and write it down to reflect on in the future or when you experience a similar emotion.
2. Forgiveness
Forgiving yourself and others can release the emotional weight of the past. Write letters to those you need to forgive—even if you never send them—or practice guided meditation focused on forgiveness. This can help you let go of anger and resentment.
💙 Learn to ride the waves of your emotions and practice Letting Go of Anxiety when it comes to forgiving yourself and others.
3. Therapy
Get professional help to cope with unresolved emotions and trauma. A therapist can also support you in moving forward with your life.
4. Positive affirmations
Repeat affirmations such as "I am worthy of happiness" or "I am moving forward" to help shift your mindset from the past to a more positive present and future.
💙 Find self-acceptance by using affirmations and by trying 7 Days of Self-Esteem, a series of guided meditations led by Tamara Levitt.
5. Setting new goals
Focus on the future by creating and working towards new, meaningful goals to help you move past previous experiences. This can help redirect your energy toward productive endeavors.
💙 Broaden your capacity to want more for your life with guidance from Relaxed Open-Hearted Presence.
6. Mindfulness practices
Use meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to help you stay grounded in the present moment. Focus on the here and now to help you stop dwelling on past events.
💙 Learn to stay grounded and present with Jeff Warren’s The Reframe.
7. Limiting rumination
Constantly thinking about negative past experiences can damage your mental health. Distract yourself from these thoughts with hobbies and activities you enjoy, such as reading, painting, or playing a sport.
💙 Put Down the Weight and let go of what no longer serves you.
8. Self-compassion
Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and has regrets. Treat yourself with the same understanding you’d offer a friend to help you heal and build a positive self-image.
💙 Give yourself the gift of Self-Compassion as you let go of painful past experiences.
9. Physical activity
Regular exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Whether it's a daily walk, a gym session, or a dance class, find an activity you enjoy and make it part of your routine.
💙 Step outside of your Comfort Zone and incorporate fun, new movement activities in your daily routine.
10. Social support
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family for encouragement and understanding as you move forward. Share your feelings with people you trust to help you let go of the past.
💙 Take one step closer to having Closure for your past by trusting your circle of friends and family to be there for you in the present.
How to get over past relationships
Healing from past relationships, whether romantic or platonic, can be a complex and emotional process. But you can begin to heal from past relationships and open yourself up to new possibilities.
Self-reflection: Take time to understand what went wrong and what you can learn from the relationship. Reflect on your own behaviors and choices—as well as those of the other person—to help you gain insight into how the relationship has shaped your views and actions.
Recognize patterns: Look for similar issues or dynamics in different relationships. Understanding these patterns can help you avoid repeating the same mistakes with others.
Acknowledge lessons learned: Each relationship can teach you something valuable, even if it ends in pain. Recognize what you’ve learned to appreciate the personal growth that’s come from the experience, which can help you move on.
Support network: Surround yourself with friends and family who understand what you’re going through and can offer encouragement, comfort, and perspective. This can help you feel less alone.
Enjoyable activities: Rediscover hobbies and interests that you may have neglected during the relationship. These can boost your mood and help you feel happier and more positive about the future.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your ex-partner if you’re still in contact, perhaps limiting communication or taking a break from social media connections. This can help give you the space you need to heal.
Practice self-care: Make time for activities that promote relaxation and stress relief, such as exercise, meditation, or a warm bath. Taking care of yourself can help you feel stronger and more resilient.
Seek closure: If possible, seek closure through a conversation with your ex-partner. Understanding the reasons behind the breakup can provide a sense of finality and help you move on. If a direct conversation isn’t an option, try writing a letter to express your feelings — even if you don’t send it.
Create new memories: Try new activities, meet new people, and explore new places to help shift your focus from the past to the present and future. This can help you make new, positive memories to replace the old ones.
Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and understand that it’s okay to have good days and bad ones.
How to let go of control: 5 tips to help you embrace change
Control feels like it brings stability and certainty. But letting go of the need to control everything can help you embrace change, reduce anxiety, build resilience, and face a fulfilling future with confidence.
1. Use mindfulness
Practice mindfulness through meditation, deep breathing exercises, or paying attention to the present moment. This can help you become less preoccupied with what might happen, so you can find peace in the present.
2. Trust the process
Accept that life is full of uncertainties, and trying to control every detail can be exhausting and counterproductive. Remind yourself that challenges are natural, and that you have the strength to handle them.
3. Build resilience
Face challenges head-on, practice problem-solving skills, and maintain a positive attitude. Try activities that push you out of your comfort zone and build your confidence. This can help you become more comfortable with uncertainty and better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs.
4. Embrace uncertainty
See the unknown as an opportunity for growth and discovery. Challenge yourself to let go of rigid plans and be open to spontaneity to help you confidently navigate unpredictability.
5. Focus on what you can control
Identify where you have control, such as your actions, attitudes, and responses to situations. Make positive changes in these areas and let go of trying to control external factors.
How do I get over the past FAQs
How long does it take to get over the past?
The time it takes to get over the past can vary depending on the type of experience and your individual coping mechanisms. For some, it may take a few weeks or months, while it could take years for others. Be patient with yourself and recognize that healing and processing emotions can take time and space.
How do I stop recurring thoughts about past mistakes?
Recurring thoughts about past mistakes can be distressing and challenging to overcome, but it’s possible.
Distractions: Distract yourself from negative thoughts. Hobbies, physical exercise, or socializing can help shift your focus away from past mistakes.
Mindfulness: Stay present to help reduce intrusive thoughts. Use deep breathing, meditation, or mindful walking to help you stay grounded.
Positive affirmations: Repeat statements like, "I am learning and growing," or, "I am capable of change," to reinforce a positive mindset.
Self-compassion: Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that these are opportunities for growth and learning.
Is it possible to move forward without closure from past relationships?
If closure isn’t available, it’s still possible to move forward without closure from past relationships.
Self-reflection: Reflect on the relationship and identify any lessons learned. Understand what went wrong to help you find your own sense of closure.
Focus: Concentrate on your current life and future goals. Enjoy new activities and new relationships to help you move on from the past.
Support network: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family to help you process your emotions and feel less alone.
Therapy: Seek professional help with unresolved emotions as you work through the healing process.
How can I handle regret over past decisions that have had a significant impact on my life?
Regret over past decisions can be challenging, especially if those decisions have had a significant impact on your life.
Acknowledge the regret: Accept your regrets and allow yourself to feel the emotions rather than suppressing them.
Learn from it: Use this knowledge to grow and make better choices in the future.
Forgive yourself: Recognize that you did the best you could with the information and resources that were available at the time.
Focus on the present: Concentrate on what you can do now to improve your situation. Set new goals and take actionable steps to help you feel more in control.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for relief and new insights.
What are some healthy coping mechanisms to process past trauma?
Processing past trauma requires time, support, and healthy coping mechanisms.
Therapy: Seek professional help from a therapist trained in trauma-focused therapy for a safe space to process and heal.
Journaling: Write about your trauma to help you understand and process your emotions, track your progress, and highlight patterns in your thoughts and feelings.
Mindfulness practices: Try meditation, deep breathing, and yoga to help you stay grounded and manage stress.
Physical activity: Boost your mood and reduce stress with activities like walking, running, or dancing.
Support groups: Join a support group for people who’ve experienced similar trauma. Sharing your story with others who can relate can be validating and healing.
Creative outlets: Paint, make music, or craft to help you express emotions.
Healthy routines: Establish regular schedules for sleep, meals, and exercise to provide stability and a sense of control.
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