How to deal with rude people without losing your cool
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Not sure how to deal with rude people without snapping? These 17 practical tips help you stay grounded, set boundaries, and let go of what isn’t yours to carry.
Odds are, you’ve had to deal with people who really get on your nerves or hurt your feelings. Experiencing rudeness on a regular basis can breed anger and resentment — and the tricky part is, you can experience it everywhere, from the office to a family dinner to a night out with your friends. A colleague might snap at you in a meeting, a friend could make an off-color comment that rubs you the wrong way, or a stranger might make a snide remark under their breath that bugs you. No matter who dishes it out or where you receive it, rudeness can sting.
If you’re more prone to sensitivity or ruminating, you may replay these interactions on a loop in the following days, asking yourself what went wrong or how you could’ve handled it better. Maybe you even find yourself getting mad days later, wishing you had snapped right then and there.
It’s important to remember that most rude behavior has very little to do with you and is often a reflection of the other person’s stress, insecurity, or emotional immaturity. While it can still get under your skin, there are ways to process other people’s rudeness without flying off the rails. Here’s everything you need to know about rude people and how to protect your peace and respond calmly.
Why rudeness is usually about them and not you
Rude behavior often has more to do with what someone else is carrying emotionally than anything you’ve said or done. That eye roll, that sharp tone, that cutting comment is usually a spillover from whatever is going on internally for them. Maybe they’re stressed. Maybe they’re burned out. Maybe they’re replaying their own shame or insecurity over and over again in their mind, and it feels good to take it out on someone else. Or maybe they never learned a better way to express themselves.
None of these reasons excuses being disrespectful, but it does shift the emotional weight off your shoulders back onto theirs, where it belongs. You’re not responsible for someone else’s emotional regulation or lack thereof. And their behavior isn’t a reflection on you or your responsibility.
Understanding this doesn’t make the sting of being disrespected go away immediately, but it may give you some room to process it. You might even discover that seeing the hurt beneath someone’s harshness gives you a little more compassion for them, or, at the very least, permission to not take it so personally.
10 ways to respond to a rude person
Dealing with rudeness doesn’t mean you have to swallow your feelings or have a clever comeback ready. It’s about staying rooted in your own values, even when someone else clearly isn’t. Here are 10 mindful, real-world ways to respond with calm, clarity, and self-respect.
1. Pause before you respond
That micro-moment between someone being rude and your reaction is where your power lives. Take a slow, deep breath and unclench your jaw. This pause helps you choose how you want to respond, rather than letting their mood hijack yours.
Try this: Before speaking, silently count to three. You don’t have a responsibility to quickly fill the silence, but you do have a responsibility to respond according to your values.
Related read: Respond vs react: 5 tips to slow down (and why it’s important)
2. Keep your tone even and your words neutral
Meeting rudeness with more rudeness rarely ends well. Instead of mirroring their energy, keep your tone calm and your language simple. Kindness can be disarming.
Try saying this:
“I hear that you’re frustrated.”
“That’s not how I see it, but I respect your opinion.”
“Let’s revisit this later when things feel less heated.”
3. Name the behavior, not the person
If you need to address the rudeness directly, focus on the behavior. This helps avoid defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive. It’s also a way to clearly state how the situation is making you feel without directly poking at the other person’s personality. Pro tip: This can also be effective in the workplace.
Try this:
“That comment came across as dismissive.”
Not that:
“You’re always so rude.”
Related read: What is behavior modification? Plus, 5 techniques to create change
4. Use “I” statements to stay grounded
These statements help you speak up for yourself without escalating the situation. They’re also a way to be honest while maintaining your boundaries and staying connected to your thoughts.
Try saying this:
“I felt uncomfortable when that was said.”
“I need a moment to collect my thoughts.”
“I don’t want to be spoken to like that.”
💙 Explore tapping into your Grounding energy in times of stress and anxiety with guidance from Tamara Levitt.
5. Redirect or defuse with compassion (when it feels safe)
Sometimes, kindness is the most powerful response, especially if you sense their rudeness stems from stress or pain. When it feels safe, lightly suggest taking some time apart and coming back to the conversation. You might even ask them directly if something is impacting their behavior.
Try saying this:
“Are you having a rough day?”
“Is everything okay with you?”
“Do you want to take a break and come back to this when we’ve cooled off?”
6. Set a clear boundary (and stick with it)
Boundaries aren’t walls that ruin your connection with someone else — they’re purposeful guidelines that can actually help relationships grow. When you set boundaries with people, you can choose when and how to step away from interactions that feel harmful or depleting.
Try saying this:
“I’m going to step away now and revisit this later.”
“This conversation isn’t respectful. I’m not continuing it.”
“I’m not available for this kind of interaction.”
💙 Discover A Secret to Better Boundaries with this meditation from Jeff Warren.
7. Don’t try to win
Trying to outwit or one-up someone who’s being rude often drags you down to their level. It’s okay to let them “win” the moment if it means you get to keep your energy (and sanity) intact. Before engaging further, simply ask yourself if it’s worth it.
8. Remove yourself from the situation
You don’t always owe someone a response or even a conversation, and you certainly don’t need to justify walking away from someone who’s being disrespectful. Sometimes the best response is saying no or having no response at all.
Try saying this:
“I need to leave this conversation.”
“This situation isn’t healthy for me right now.”
“This conversation isn’t making me feel good, so I’m stepping back.”
Related read: How the grey rock method can help you deal with toxic people
9. Debrief with someone you trust
After the moment has passed, talk it out with someone you trust. Having a safe space to vent can help you process what happened and release it, rather than holding it in your body. Allow another person to validate your experience as well, which can also help you navigate the situation with greater ease and grace.
Ask a trusted friend this:
“Can I share an interaction with you that shook me more than I expected?”
“Can I get your advice on this?”
“What would you do in this situation?”
10. Breathe it out
Your nervous system is wired to react to perceived threats, including sharp words and condescending tones. You can help shift your body out of fight-or-flight mode and into a more regulated state through breathing techniques.
Try inhaling for four counts and exhaling for six counts. Repeat this 3–5 times.
Related read: 7 deep breathing exercises to help you calm anxiety
How to deal with rude people: 7 tips to help you take care of yourself
Even if you kept your cool, set a boundary, and didn’t react to someone’s rudeness, it’s normal to feel off after this type of interaction. That energy can linger in your body and impact your mood for some time — but these self-care tips can help you reset.
1. Discharge the tension physically
When you hold onto social stress, your whole body can become tense. Stretching, exercise, and even grounding may help release the tension and allow you to feel more at ease.
Try this:
Shaking out your arms and legs
Doing 10 jumping jacks
Taking a brisk walk, even just around the block
Pressing your feet into the ground and taking three long exhales 
💙 Tune into The Daily Move with Mel Mah for a mindful movement routine to practice each day to stay well.
2. Put a name to what happened to you
Naming your experience can help you process what happened. You can either share your experience with someone you trust or simply write it down. Even if you’re just saying it out loud to yourself, naming it gives it somewhere to go.
Try saying this:
“That interaction felt really sharp, and I didn’t see it coming.”
“I stayed calm, but now I feel kind of rattled.”
“They hurt my feelings with what they said, and I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
3. Remind yourself what’s not yours to carry
If you’re someone who tends to replay interactions in your mind or overanalyze what you said or did, this tip will be especially helpful in moving past someone’s rude behavior. Remind yourself that their behavior is a reflection on them and not you.
Try these reminders:
“Their tone wasn’t about me.”
“I don’t have to carry their stress.”
“I showed up the way I wanted to.”
4. Come back to your breath
Being on the receiving end of someone’s rudeness can leave you feeling unsettled and confused. Breathwork may help you re-regulate your nervous system as you continue to process your feelings.
Try this breath reset:
Inhale through the nose for four counts.
Exhale through the mouth for six counts.
Repeat for one minute.
💙 Relieve stress quickly with SOS Breath Work, a guided breathing exercise led by Chibs Okereke.
5. Give yourself permission not to fix it
It’s not your responsibility to mend the relationship dynamic, follow up with the person who hurt you, or make things smoother for the other person’s sake, especially if they haven’t taken responsibility for their behavior.
Instead of focusing on someone else, ask yourself what you need. A little self-care can go a long way.
Related read: What is acceptance? Plus, 9 tips to help you learn to let go
6. Reconnect with someone who helps you feel seen
Rude interactions can make you question your worth and how people view you. Spending time with people who bring you back to your center can help you remember who you are.
Try this:
A quick call with a good friend
Texting your group chat
Re-reading a kind message someone sent you
7. Do something small and grounding
After a tough interaction, you might feel a little disoriented or disconnected from your body. Engaging in small grounding rituals can help you come back to yourself and restore your peace.
Try these ideas:
Make a fun drink and mindfully enjoy it.
Step outside and name three things you can see, two you can hear, and one you can feel.
Take a mindful shower or bath.
Related read: 8 everyday ritual ideas for a more mindful life
How to deal with rude people FAQs
Why are some people so rude all the time?
Chronic rudeness is often a reflection of someone’s inner world. People who are constantly rude may be living with unaddressed stress, poor emotional regulation, burnout, low self-esteem, or even learned behavior. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability or connection, and other times, they simply don’t realize how their tone or behavior affects others.
While you can hold compassion for what someone might be going through, you’re also allowed to protect yourself from people who consistently cross the line.
How can I stop taking rude people personally?
It’s hard not to internalize rudeness, especially if you’re someone who tends to overthink or feel deeply. But someone else’s behavior is a mirror of them, not you. Their sharp tone or dismissiveness likely existed long before you walked into the room.
What are polite ways to respond to a rude person?
You can be both direct and kind to a rude person but still get your point across. The key is to keep your language simple and your tone steady.
Here are a few phrases that can help:
“I’m not comfortable with how this conversation is going.”
“Let’s pause and come back to this later.”
“That felt disrespectful. I’d like to continue this when we can speak more calmly.”
Can breathing techniques help me deal with rude people?
Absolutely. Because your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a rude comment and a real threat, it reacts in real time by tightening your muscles, shortening your breath, and raising your heart rate. Breathwork helps signal safety back to your body, even if the situation is emotionally charged and not a physical one.
Is it okay to just walk away from someone rude?
Yes. You don’t owe anyone your presence, especially if the interaction feels harmful, disrespectful, or unsafe. Walking away isn’t weak or rude — it’s a form of self-protection. If you’re in a public setting or a workplace, a quiet, steady exit can sometimes speak louder than anything you could say.
If it feels helpful, you can pair it with a short statement like:
“I’m stepping away for now.”
“This doesn’t feel productive, so I’m leaving the conversation.”
Related read: How to speak up for yourself (and why it’s important)
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