How to fix a broken relationship: 10 steps to mindfully rebuild
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Learn how to fix a broken relationship with 10 practical tips to rebuild trust. Plus, when to seek outside help and how mindfulness can uncover underlying issues.
There are those moments in relationships when, no matter what you and your partner try, you’re just not clicking or speaking the same language. Arguments may seem to come out of nowhere, everything they do is getting on your nerves, and you’ve seemed to have lost that easy companionship you once had.
The truth is, most relationships go through tough times at one point or another. It’s inevitable. Maybe there’s been a disagreement that left both of you feeling wronged, a betrayal of trust, or maybe even a slow drift that’s left you feeling disconnected from one another (or even disconnected from yourself).
While you might be feeling hopeless and that your relationship is doomed to end, there is a chance to improve most healthy relationships if you’re both ready to put in the time and energy to reconnect. Here’s what you need to know.
Can you fix a broken relationship?
Relationships can hit rough patches for many reasons — life changes, misunderstandings, growing pressures, or feeling taken for granted are a few common factors. Oftentimes, when we’re feeling hurt or disconnected, it can be hard to see a clear way forward where you both end up together and happy.
Fixing a relationship takes time, patience, and honest effort to rebuild your trust and connection. If both you and your partner genuinely want to work things out, you already have a solid foundation on where to begin. The next step is to get clear on the direction you want to go, or the goals you want to set for the relationship.
Take some time to consider what could be at the root of the problems you and your partner are experiencing. Are there specific issues you can address together, like better communication or setting clearer boundaries? Or is it more about rebuilding trust and working on forgiveness? Perhaps it’s just a series of minor disagreements that leave you both feeling frustrated and defeated. Figure out what’s most important, and focus on those areas.
We do want to note that for some people, a relationship may have just run its course, or each person in the relationship may not have the same level of interest in fixing things. If your partner isn’t engaged with the idea of working on your connection, it can be helpful to acknowledge this so you can move on. If, however, you’re both in a place of wanting to make it work, taking some small steps in that direction can make a real difference.
How mindfulness can help uncover relationship issues
Often in relationships, conflicts come up because there have been misunderstandings or one person hasn’t noticed the other’s expectations. When you use mindfulness to help you observe what’s going on (without judgment), you can see what’s really causing tension.
Perhaps one partner is feeling resentful because they always do the dishes and never receive any support. Or maybe the other partner is feeling frustrated that they’re always expected to cook after a long day. Regardless of what’s driving a wedge between you, there are a few mindful steps you can take to help you uncover issues and move toward healing.
Ways mindfulness can support your relationship
Increased empathy: Being more aware of your partner’s feelings can help your emotional connection and reduce misunderstandings.
Clearer communication: When you find it easier to stay calm during difficult conversations, you're more likely to understand each other and talk openly.
Self-awareness:Regularly tuning into your emotions and behaviors may help you spot patterns—like defensiveness or avoidance—that might contribute to your relationship issues.
10 tips to mend and rebuild a broken relationship
Even if you’re both ready to work on your relationship, knowing where to start can be difficult. You certainly don’t want to launch into both complaining about where your needs aren’t being met, as that can be overwhelming and even upsetting.
Have a system of calm and productive communication in place so that each partner can hear feedback without feeling attacked. Here are a few places you can start.
1. Communicate with honesty and kindness
Communication is the foundation of a strong relationship, but it can also be where many issues start. If communication has broken down, set aside time for honest, uninterrupted talks and focus on expressing your feelings calmly, rather than blaming or accusing. Here are seven tips to communicate your needs in a relationship.
When it comes to discussing difficult topics with your partner, it’s important to remind yourself that they are a person you care for, and they have feelings.
Instead of saying something like, “You always do x, y, z,” try speaking with “I feel” statements. You can say, “I feel hurt when x, y, z occurs.” By phrasing your concerns in this way, you’re talking about what you need and feel, not harping on what the other person is doing wrong. People are far more motivated to jump in and help someone who's in pain as opposed to someone who’s criticizing them.
💙 Learn to practice the art of Kind Communication in your relationships with help from our Love and Relationships series.
2. Practice active listening
When we’re upset, it’s easy to listen only halfway or focus more on what we’re going to say next. Active listening means giving your full attention to what the other person is saying without interruptions or distractions. Try these eight techniques to improve your listening skills.
Repeat back what you’ve heard to make sure you understood, like saying, “So, what I’m hearing is…” This can help you both feel truly heard and valued and reduce misunderstandings that might otherwise fuel arguments. It can also help to ask your partner, “Is there more you’d like to say?” so they can have the time and space to finish their complete thought before you respond.
💙 Show your partner that you’re Listening with these helpful tips from Tamara Levitt.
3. Take responsibility for your actions
In any conflict, both people usually play a role, even if it’s unintentional. Think about your own actions and be willing to admit where you might’ve done better (check out these six tips on keeping yourself accountable).
Self-accountability and taking responsibility for how you act can be difficult, as we’re designed to want to protect ourselves. But being defensive will only lead to a larger rift in the partnership, and when you can admit you made a mistake and still feel loved by your partner, it can help boost your self-confidence.
4. Rebuild trust step-by-step
Trust is one of the most important—and sometimes one of the hardest—things to rebuild once it’s been broken. Start to reintroduce trust into your connection by making and keeping small promises. This might look like being home when you say you will, or following through on a promise to make dinner or help with chores. Small, consistent actions help demonstrate your reliability and show your partner that they can depend on you.
5. Set healthy boundaries
Having healthy boundaries in relationships isn’t about putting up walls — it’s about creating a space where both people feel respected and safe. Boundaries can be as simple as deciding how much time you’ll spend with friends or family, or how you’ll handle topics that tend to lead to arguments.
Talk openly about what boundaries feel good for both of you, and be willing to listen to your partner’s needs. Respect each other’s boundaries to help create trust and understanding.
💙 Follow along with our Relationships with Others Series and learn about setting clear and appropriate Boundaries with your partner.
6. Spend quality time together
Life can get busy, and sometimes couples drift apart because they aren’t spending enough time focused on each other. Quality time doesn’t mean you need to go on extravagant dates. You could try simple things like cooking together, taking a walk, or having a meal together with no distractions.
Enjoy each other’s company (here are nine examples how) to create positive memories and strengthen your connection.
7. Show appreciation for one another
When relationships hit rough patches, it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong. Make a habit of saying thank you — even for everyday acts of kindness, like making coffee or taking out the trash, to show your partner they’re valued and appreciated and that you see that they are trying.
8. Focus on solutions not problems
Some arguments seem to come up again and again. When this happens, take a step back and try to understand what’s really causing it. If you always fight about who does what around the house, consider creating a chore wheel.
If one partner feels like quality time is lacking, sit down and put your date nights or Sunday fun-days on your calendar and stick to them. Some couples benefit from scheduling their intimacy time or deciding how many social engagements they’ll say yes to each month. Being proactive and solution-oriented can help stave off conflicts before they start.
9. Embrace forgiveness and let go of past hurts
It’s hard to let go of resentment when you’ve been hurt, and forgiveness can be even harder. But when these feelings still linger, it may create distance and block your connection. If you’re ready, start working on forgiveness for yourself and your partner. Try these eight ways to practice forgiveness.
This doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing hurtful actions but choosing to let go of anger that may be keeping you stuck, so you can make room for healing and a fresh start together. If you find it hard to forgive a mistake your partner made, it could be worth chatting with a mental health professional to give you some tools to help with this process. Sometimes a wound is too deep to heal on your own.
💙 Try moving through your feelings with a mindful movement practice, like The Daily Move’s Say Goodbye to Anger.
10. Be patient and celebrate small victories
Rebuilding a relationship takes time and patience, and there may be a few setbacks along the way. This doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress.
Try to notice the positive things along the way, like a fun conversation, an apology that was overdue, or a moment of laughter. These moments are steps toward healing, and they help create positive momentum as you grow closer and stronger as a couple.
When to seek outside help for a broken relationship
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, certain parts of your relationship might still feel off or stuck in old hurts or patterns continually resurfacing. If you’ve tried talking, listening, and spending more quality time together, but you still feel distant or frustrated, it may be time to reach out for additional support.
When therapy might be a good idea
When our own emotions or past experiences are making it hard to see the big picture, we can get stuck in our own hurt and need fresh perspective. Having a kind, objective eye on the issues may help us get to the heart of what’s troubling the relationship, like emotional blockages or infidelity. Therapists are skilled in guiding difficult conversations, so you can both get your feelings heard without causing conflict. They’ll also help you explore ways to rebuild connection and trust.
Every relationship is different, and so are the challenges, so it might be hard to know when you need a bit more support. Here are a few situations where professional help might be especially useful.
Constant arguments or repeated conflicts: A therapist can help you break the cycle and find healthier ways to address recurring conflicts.
A build up of resentment or distance: Therapy provides a space where you can safely talk about these feelings, understand each other’s perspectives, and work on rebuilding closeness.
Trust issues or betrayals: A therapist can guide you through forgiveness, rebuilding, and moving forward after a betrayal or serious breach of trust, if that’s what you both want.
Difficulty communicating or feeling heard: If one or both of you feel misunderstood, therapy can help you both express your feelings in ways that feel safe and productive.
Life transitions or stressors: Moving in together, starting a new job, having kids, or experiencing loss can add a lot of stress to any relationship. Therapy can help you navigate these stressful life transitions together.
What to expect from couples therapy
If you’ve never had couples therapy before, it can be daunting, because you just don’t know what to expect. But there’s no need to worry. Your therapist will guide you through.
They might start by outlining any ground rules in the therapy space, which are usually pretty simple, like not interrupting each other or resorting to name-calling.
Next, they’ll create a safe, non-judgmental space where both of you can share your thoughts and feelings openly. As you start to talk through the issues, they’ll usually help you identify patterns that might be keeping you stuck, explore underlying issues, and teach strategies to communicate better and resolve conflicts.
Your therapist’s approach will likely be to give you practical tools to strengthen your relationship and address any issues constructively.
You may also be given activities or exercises to work on outside of sessions, so you can begin applying what you’ve learned in real-life situations. Some couples might need several sessions with a therapist, while others need just one or two. Either way, your gradual progress can help you find the connection and understanding within your relationship you’re both hoping for.
Remember that seeking help is a positive step
Choosing to seek outside help isn’t a sign of failure — it’s a way you’re showing your commitment to improving your relationship. Just like you might see a physical therapist if you have a pulled muscle or see a dentist for a toothache, you see a therapist for emotional pain. With the right guidance, many couples discover new ways to communicate, support each other, and grow closer than ever before.
How to fix a relationship FAQs
How do you rebuild love in a relationship?
When things have hit a rough patch, you might need to find love for each other again. But it’s hard to know how to do that or where to begin. Here are a few ways you can reconnect.
Focus on positive interactions to rekindle feelings.
Spend quality time together through simple activities like cooking, walking, or talking without distractions to help create new, joyful memories.
Express appreciation by noticing and valuing your partner's qualities and actions.
Enhance positive feelings with kindness — like compliments or surprises.
Talk about your needs, dreams, and goals to stay connected and allow love to grow.
How long does it take to rebuild trust in a broken relationship?
Trust must be rebuilt gradually through consistent actions, not just a single apology. Keeping promises and being honest can help create safety over time. If you're regaining trust, be patient and show commitment through actions. If you're learning to trust again, take your time. Both need time to heal and feel comfortable. Celebrate small progress, and remember patience, consistency, and kindness are key to strengthening trust.
What are the signs that a relationship is worth saving?
It can be a tough call knowing if a relationship is worth salvaging, but if both partners respect each other and genuinely want to understand and support one another, the relationship is likely worth repairing.
Look for positive signs like open communication and mutual empathy, sharing core values and future goals, and both being committed to working through problems.
How do you set healthy boundaries in a relationship?
Having healthy boundaries in a relationship should be non-negotiable for everyone. This means understanding and respecting each other's comfort zones, while maintaining your connection and supporting each other.
To set your boundaries, try the following:
Identify what you need to feel respected, loved, and secure. You might think about time management, finances, or balancing alone and together time.
Have an open conversation with your partner to share these needs, and listen to theirs, too.
Keep in mind that boundaries are about helping you both feel safe and respected, not about control. They’re there to help prevent misunderstandings and strengthen trust in the relationship.
Can mindfulness help with forgiveness in relationships?
Mindfulness can help you find forgiveness when one or both of you has been hurt in a relationship. You can use it to help you recognize and sit with feelings like anger or sadness without letting them control you. This inner calm can make it easier to let go of resentment and feel empathy by helping you understand the other person’s intentions and perspective.
With time, mindfulness can make forgiveness feel like a natural part of healing, so you can release negative emotions and create space for compassion and understanding.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
