How to not be insecure: 10 mindful tips for overcoming insecurity
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover what causes different types of insecurity. Plus, 10 mindful tips and techniques to help you overcome feeling insecure.
Insecurity can strike at the most unexpected moments. Maybe you’re about to make a presentation at work and suddenly, you start doubting whether your ideas are any good. Or perhaps it happens on a date, and you start to worry that you’re talking too much. You may even feel insecure when you’re scrolling through social media, questioning if your life measures up to your friends’.
First of all, it needs to be said — there’s nothing wrong with you. This happens to all of us! And while these feelings of self-consciousness can be frustrating, you don’t have to just grin and bear it. By paying attention to your patterns of thinking—and practicing mindfulness—you can begin to navigate the world with more confidence.
What causes insecurity?
Insecurity can creep into your life at any age, though it often takes root in childhood. Maybe it began with a critical comment from someone you looked up to, or perhaps it developed later on, when a kid at school said something mean and hurt your feelings. No matter when or how it started, one thing is certain: Understanding what fuels your insecurity is key to overcoming it. It’s the first step toward building your confidence and living with more certainty and peace.
Childhood experiences: Criticism, neglect, or high expectations from your parents, teachers, or peers when you’re young can make you feel inadequate and lead to a deep-seated belief that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough.
Trauma and negative experiences: Traumatic events, such as bullying or abuse, can leave you feeling vulnerable and unsafe. Memories of these events can continue to affect your self-esteem and confidence, leading to ongoing insecurity.
Societal pressures: Constant exposure to unrealistic standards for beauty, success, and behavior—especially on social media—can make you feel self-conscious about yourself. Not sure if social media is impacting you? Here are 10 signs to look out for.
Lack of self-acceptance: Being your own harshest critic can be damaging. When you’re constantly picking yourself apart and focusing on your flaws, your self-esteem takes a hit.
4 types of insecurities
Social insecurity: When you obsess over how others perceive you, you might worry about being judged, rejected, or not fitting in. This can make social situations so stressful that you start avoiding them.
Body insecurity: Feeling uncomfortable about how you look can lead to low self-esteem — and unrealistic or unattainable beauty standards can make it worse.
Relationship insecurity: When you doubt your worth in relationships, you might fear rejection, abandonment, or not being loved enough. This can cause you to become overly dependent or distrustful in your relationships. (Here are our top tips to deal with relationship anxiety.)
Performance insecurity: If you’re worried about not meeting expectations at work or school, you might start avoiding challenging tasks.
10 mindful tips for overcoming insecurity
We all have moments when self-doubt creeps in, making us question our worth or abilities. Maybe it's the nagging voice that tells you you're not good enough, or the sinking feeling you get when you start comparing yourself to others. If you're tired of letting insecurity hold you back, know that you're not alone. Here are a few tips to help you start feeling more secure in who you are.
1. Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself — nobody’s perfect. Speak to yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend, and use words of encouragement. When you make a mistake, remind yourself that it's okay.
💙 In our Radical Self-Compassion series with Tara Brach, you’ll learn the RAIN meditation for cultivating mindfulness-based compassion.
2. Focus on all of your strengths
Keep a journal where you list your strengths and achievements. Reading it regularly can help remind you of your capabilities and boost your confidence.
💙 Tune out the rest of the world while you’re journaling with the Calm Island soundscape.
3. Set more realistic goals
Break down large tasks into smaller steps that you can complete easily. This sense of progress can motivate you to keep going. Celebrate each accomplishment, even the littlest ones, to help build your self-esteem.
💙 It’s easy to get overwhelmed by big projects. Learn to Settle Down by Single-Tasking in this session with Jay Shetty.
4. Avoid the comparison trap
It’s easier said than done, but focus on your own progress and personal growth instead of comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and your achievements are valuable.
💙 Getting off social media for awhile can be really helpful — but it’s difficult to do. Our Social Media and Screen Addiction series is a great resource.
5. Practice being present with meditation
Each day, take a few minutes to sit quietly, focus on your breath, and bring your attention to the present moment. This can prevent future-tripping and reduce negative thoughts.
💙 So you want to meditate, but you’re not sure where to begin? Try Jeff Warren’s Mindfulness for Beginners program.
6. Build better relationships
Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you and make you happy. This can boost your self-esteem and reduce feelings of insecurity.
💙 Learn to nurture stronger friendships with our Relationships with Others series.
7. Challenge negative thoughts
When you notice negative thoughts, ask yourself if they’re based on facts or assumptions. Replace "I'm not good enough," with positive affirmations like "I am capable and improving every day."
💙 Overcoming Negative Thinking can be tough, but this kindness meditation can teach you to bring more compassion to your day.
8. Take care of your physical health
When your body feels good, your mind does too. Eat well, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep to help boost your mood and energy levels.
💙 Make your workout a time for mindfulness with our Mindful Run meditation with Mel Mah.
9. Learn from criticism
Reframe criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow. View feedback objectively and consider whether there are valuable lessons you can take from it. You can also learn to build your own inner coach.
💙 Learn how to slow down and really focus on someone else’s words when you’re Hearing Criticism during this Daily Jay session.
10. Speak with a therapist
If your insecurity feels overwhelming, talk to a therapist. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your emotions and help you develop coping mechanisms.
Can mindfulness techniques help lower insecurity?
Mindfulness techniques can be a game-changer when it comes to tackling insecurity. By staying present and fully engaged in the moment, you can quiet those nagging thoughts of self-doubt that tend to creep in and make you question who you are. As you practice mindfulness, you'll start to develop more self-awareness and self-acceptance, which can naturally boost your confidence and help you feel more secure.
Reducing negative self-talk
Becoming more aware of your thoughts and recognizing when you're engaging in negative self-talk means you can choose to redirect your focus. This can help you reduce the impact that negative thoughts have on your self-esteem.
Try mindful breathing: Spend a few minutes each day focusing on your breathing. Find a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take slow, deep breaths. Notice the air as it enters and leaves your body, and if your mind starts to wander, gently bring your focus back to your breath. Here are seven easy steps to practicing breath meditation.
Increasing self-awareness
Being mindful can help you identify the triggers of your insecurity, and this can help you develop strategies to manage and reduce them.
Try body scan meditation: Lie down or sit comfortably and close your eyes. Slowly bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations, tension, or discomfort. This can help you feel more in tune with your body and release any physical tension. Check out our top tips for doing a body scan meditation.
Improving emotional regulation
Learning to observe your emotions without reacting impulsively allows you to respond to situations calmly and thoughtfully, rather than being overwhelmed by anxiety or fear. Improving your emotional regulation can lead to more stable and positive self-esteem.
Try loving-kindness meditation: Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Begin by focusing on yourself and silently repeating phrases like, “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe.” After a few minutes, expand these wishes to include others, like your family, friends, and even people you find challenging. This can help nurture compassion and reduce any negative feelings you have. Explore our tips on how to practice loving-kindness meditation.
Enhancing self-acceptance
Mindfulness can allow you to learn to accept yourself as you are, imperfections and all. This can help you overcome feelings of inadequacy and build a stronger sense of self-worth.
Try mindful walking: Go outside and focus on the sensations of walking. Notice how your feet feel on the ground, the movement of your legs, and the rhythm of your steps. Pay attention to the sights, sounds, and smells around you. This can help ground you in the acceptance of yourself and the present moment. Here’s a step-by-step guide to get started with walking meditation.
Cultivating a positive outlook
Mindfulness practices, such as gratitude exercises, can help you focus on the positives in your life. By regularly reflecting on what you’re grateful for, you can shift your mindset.
Try gratitude journaling: Every day, write down three things you’re grateful for. These can be small things, like a nice meal, or bigger ones, like supportive friends. Reflecting on the positive aspects of your life can improve your overall outlook and reduce feelings of inadequacy. Here are 12 gratitude journal prompts to add to your daily routine.
How to not be insecure FAQs
How can I identify the root cause of my insecurity?
Identifying the root cause of your insecurity starts with some honest reflection on your past and present. Writing can be cathartic — and revealing. Take time each day to journal your thoughts and feelings to help you spot the triggers that might be fueling your self-doubt. Also, pay close attention to how you talk to yourself, because those inner conversations often hold clues to deeper issues too.
It can also be helpful to reflect on what may have triggered your insecurity in the first place. Think back to significant moments in your life, especially from childhood, where you may have felt criticized, rejected, or not good enough. If you’re looking for fresh perspectives, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can offer valuable insights that you might not see on your own.
What are some daily practices to improve self-confidence?
Improving self-confidence involves consistent effort and building positive habits.
Practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself, especially when you make mistakes.
Set small, achievable goals and celebrate each accomplishment to build your confidence gradually.
Talk to yourself positively, replacing negative thoughts with affirmations like, “I am capable and improving every day.”
Focus on your strengths and achievements, keeping a journal to remind yourself of your capabilities.
Practice mindfulness daily to help stay present and reduce negative thoughts.
Take care of your physical health by eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.
How can I stop comparing myself to others?
Stopping the habit of comparing yourself to others can be challenging, but it’s important for building self-confidence.
Focus on your own progress, reminding yourself that everyone has a unique path.
Limit your social media use, because it can be toxic and cause you to feel insecure.
Every day, practice gratitude by writing down what you’re thankful for. This can help you to appreciate your own life.
Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, to boost your confidence.
Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and encourage you, reinforcing your self-worth and reducing the urge to compare yourself to others.
What are the signs that insecurity is affecting my mental health?
Insecurity can significantly impact your mental health, especially if you’re frequently questioning your abilities and worth, avoiding social situations due to fear of judgment, and constantly undermining your own wellbeing with negative self-talk.
High levels of anxiety, particularly in social or performance-related situations, and prolonged feelings of sadness or low mood, can come from chronic insecurity. As a result, you might feel difficulty trusting others and fearing rejection or betrayal.
Can professional therapy help with overcoming insecurity?
Professional therapy can be very helpful in overcoming insecurity. A therapist can help you to identify the root causes, such as past traumas or negative experiences, and teach you to challenge negative beliefs and nurture a positive self-image.
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