How to start a conversation: 8 tips for meaningful interactions
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Never know how to start a conversation? Explore small talk vs big talk and the importance of active listening. Plus, 8 conversation starter tips and examples.
There’s a reason why so many first dates are awkward: Striking up a conversation—especially with someone you don’t know—can feel impossible.
You might be nervous about coming across as standoffish or overly eager — or maybe you’re just self-conscious about saying the wrong thing. Sometimes, you really just don’t know what to say, and then you find yourself panicking that the silence is uncomfortable. (It’s probably not.)
Don’t stress — we’ve all been there. But with a little bit of prep, you can become more comfortable and confident in starting a conversation with anyone. Yes, dates included.
8 tips to help you start a conversation
Starting a conversation doesn't have to be so terrifying. Learning a few strategies to keep in your back pocket can help you make a great first impression and keep the dialogue flowing.
1. Start with a smile to seem more approachable
You might not feel confident, but if you stand up straight and smile, you’ll likely appear friendly and approachable.
💙 Tune into Jay Shetty’s Smile session, where he shares about the power of the expression you wear on your face.
2. Use open-ended questions to create a dialogue
Encourage a more engaging and thoughtful conversation instead of one that just gets yes or no answers. Instead of asking, "Did you enjoy the event?" try, "What did you enjoy most about the event?" This invites the other person to share more details and keeps the conversation going.
💙 Learn how to have meaningful conversations and encourage Deeper Communication during the Daily Jay.
3. Find common ground about shared interests
Look for topics you might both enjoy discussing, such as hobbies, favorite books, or mutual acquaintances. This can help build a connection and make the conversation relaxed and fun.
💙 Explore the Power of Hobbies to not only motivate you to follow your passion but also connect with others.
4. Mention something you see in your surroundings to break the ice
Talk about your surroundings or the event you're attending as a natural way to start chatting. For example, at a party, you might say, "The flowers here are amazing, don’t you think?" This can help break the ice.
5. Listen actively to improve communication
Show genuine interest in the other person’s responses. Nod, make eye contact, and ask follow-up questions based on what they say. This shows you care about their thoughts and opinions, but also keeps the conversation engaging.
💙 Use these eight active listening techniques to improve your communication in conversations.
6. Be positive and upbeat with acquaintances
Keep the tone light when you’re beginning a conversation. Avoid controversial or negative topics until you know the person better.
7. Give a compliment
Compliment something specific about the person, such as their outfit, something they said, or their choice of venue — it can be a great icebreaker. Genuine compliments make people feel good, and can help start a conversation.
💙 Learn why Small Acts of Kindness can make a huge impact on other people during this Daily Jay session.
8. Offer or ask for help
Offering or asking for help can be a friendly way to start a conversation. At a networking event, you might say, "Can I help you find anything?" or "Could you tell me more about this topic?" This shows you’re approachable and willing to engage.
Conversation starters: 12 examples on how to break the ice
Having a few icebreakers at the ready can make beginning a conversation much easier. Of course, the goal is to sound natural, so adjust these to suit your personality if needed.
At a social event
1. "Hi, I don't think we've met yet. How do you know the host?"
2. "I love this song. Have you been to any good shows lately?"
3. "The food is great. Have you tried the dessert?"
In a professional setting
4. "What inspired you to work in this field?"
5. "I read your recent article on [topic]. Where would you recommend I find out more?"
6. "Are there any trends you're noticing in the industry recently?"
At a networking event
7. "What’s the most interesting project you’ve worked on recently?"
8. "How did you get involved in this industry?"
9. "Are you attending any upcoming events or conferences?"
In a casual setting
10. "I love your [book, bag, or shirt]. Where did you get it?"
11. "What are you watching on TV these days?"
12. "What do you like to do for fun?"
Small talk vs. big talk: when (and how) to transition
Both small talk and big talk have their place in building deeper connections. Knowing when and how to move from one to the other can make your conversations smoother and more meaningful.
Small talk
Light, casual chat about everyday topics can break the ice and create a comfortable atmosphere.
The weather: "It’s such a beautiful day today. Did you get outside at all?"
Recent events: "Did you catch the game last night? Can you believe we’re on such a losing streak?"
Shared surroundings: "I’ve never been to this restaurant before! How’s the spaghetti?"
Big talk
Deeper, more meaningful conversations about personal beliefs, life goals, or significant experiences can help build stronger connections.
Personal experiences: "What’s something you’ve really enjoyed doing this past month?"
Life goals: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Beliefs and values: "What gets you out of bed in the morning?"
When to transition
Look for natural openings in the conversation, or cues that the other person is comfortable and interested in deeper topics.
The conversation is flowing smoothly, and you’ve established a rapport.
The other person’s sharing more personal details or asking open-ended questions.
You both seem engaged and interested in the topic you’re talking about.
How to transition
Start by building on small talk topics. For example, if you’ve been talking about travel, you might transition by asking, "What’s at the top of your list of places to go?"
Open-ended questions encourage more detailed and thoughtful responses. For example, "What are your thoughts on [topic]?" or "How do you feel about [experience]?"
Sharing a personal story or opinion can prompt the other person to open up as well. For example, "I just adopted a puppy! Do you have pets?”
Show you’re genuinely interested in learning more about the other person. For example, "You mentioned that you have a son. Tell me about him!"
Why active listening in conversations is important
Active listening can help you create engaging conversation. It involves being fully present and concentrating on the speaker, understanding their message, responding thoughtfully, and remembering what was said. When you actively listen, you show the speaker that you value their thoughts and opinions.
Key active listening techniques
Active listening is much more of a process than you might think. Here’s a few ways to show that you’re engaged in the conversation.
Maintaining eye contact: Eye contact shows you’re focused and interested in what the other person’s saying.
Nodding and using verbal affirmations: Simple gestures and saying, "I see," "I understand," or "That makes sense" show you’re present and fully listening.
Asking open-ended questions: Encourage the speaker to say more by asking open-ended questions like "Can you tell me more about that?" or "How did that make you feel?"
Paraphrasing and summarizing: Repeat back what the speaker has said in your own words to confirm your understanding. For example, "So, what you're saying is..." or "It sounds like you feel..."
Avoiding interruptions: Let the speaker finish. This shows respect and allows them to fully express their ideas.
Responding thoughtfully: Take a moment to think about your response before you speak.
Paying attention to non-verbal cues: Notice the person’s body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice to help you understand their emotions and intentions.
How to start a conversation FAQs
How can I overcome anxiety when starting a conversation with someone new?
Start by taking deep breaths to calm your nerves and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel nervous.
Prepare some conversation starters to feel more confident.
Focus on the other person and show genuine interest in them to take the pressure off yourself.
Begin with small, low-stakes interactions and gradually approach more challenging situations
Remember that conversations don’t have to be perfect — most people appreciate your effort to connect.
What are some effective ways to keep a conversation going?
To keep a conversation going, ask follow-up questions and share related stories. Show genuine interest by nodding, making eye contact, and responding thoughtfully. Find common interests to discuss, and show you’re enthusiastic about the conversation. If the conversation starts to lag, try a new topic by asking about hobbies, recent experiences, or opinions.
How do I gracefully end a conversation when it’s time to move on?
When it’s time to move on, you might consider giving a reason for leaving, such as, “I have to run,” or “I’m going to go get something to eat.” Smile and use open body language, with a friendly gesture like a handshake or wave to signal the end of the conversation warmly.
What are some common mistakes to avoid when starting a conversation?
Avoid interrupting and allow the other person to finish their thoughts. Steer clear of controversial topics like politics or religion with people you don’t know well. Listen actively and avoid negative body language, such as crossing your arms or avoiding eye contact. While sharing your experiences is important, make sure you also show interest in the other person’s stories and opinions.
How can I improve my conversational skills over time?
To improve your conversational skills, reflect on what went well and where you might improve. Ask friends or mentors what they think too. Practice when you feel most relaxed, like when you’re socializing or enjoying hobbies that happen with a group. Most importantly, be kind to yourself when you have an awkward encounter with someone else. It happens to everyone.
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