Do you see your husband as a best friend? How to build your bond
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the concept of having your spouse as a best friend, how to cultivate this bond, and the potential downsides of viewing a husband or wife as a best friend.
Lots of people think of their spouse not just as a partner but also as their best friend. It makes sense — like close friendships, many partnerships are built on emotional connection, trust, and mutual support. And while thinking of your spouse as your best friend can certainly deepen your bond, depending too heavily on them can have downsides too. Not only can it increase the likelihood of developing emotional dependence or codependency, but also, you may run the risk of losing your identity, and resenting them for not being able to meet your high expectations. Here’s how to walk the line between romance and friendship.
Should your spouse be your best friend?
If your spouse is your best friend, you probably share emotional intimacy and trust, which is great. This type of supportive relationship can make you feel safe and secure, positively impacting every part of your life.
However, prioritizing your friendship with your spouse over everyone else you care about may have downsides too. That’s because expecting any one person to fulfill all the responsibilities of a best friend might place too much pressure on the relationship. Many people believe it's healthy to have close friends outside of your marriage who can provide different perspectives and types of support. In addition, maintaining friendships outside your marriage can prevent dependency on a single person for all your emotional needs.
Some couples thrive by being each other’s only close confidant and friend, while others find balance by keeping certain aspects of their social lives separate. Exploring these perspectives can help you understand what works best for you and your partner.
How to be your husband or wife’s best friend: 5 tips
Are you trying to deepen your friendship with your spouse? For many, this can strengthen your bond and make your relationship more fulfilling.
1. Share common interests and values
Find activities and hobbies you both enjoy and can do together. Whether it's cooking, hiking, or watching movies, spending time on shared interests can help you connect on a deeper level. Having similar values and goals can also strengthen your bond and create a sense of unity.
💙 Discussing your priorities in life can help you both Delineate Your Values as individuals and a couple.
2. Communicate openly and honestly
Talk about your feelings, thoughts, and concerns with your spouse. Listen actively and show empathy, ensuring your partner feels heard and understood. Open communication can help build trust and resolve conflicts more easily.
💙 Learn how to practice Deeper Communication, a technique that encourages meaningful conversations, with help from Jay Shetty.
3. Respect and support each other’s goals
Encourage and support your spouse in their personal goals and dreams. Celebrate their achievements and offer a shoulder to lean on during challenging times. Respecting each other's aspirations can help build mutual admiration and strengthen your partnership.
💙 Mutual support and encouragement is the foundation for Nurturing Relationships.
4. Spend quality time together
Set aside regular time to be with each other without distractions. Try a weekly date night, a weekend getaway, or a quiet evening at home. Prioritizing quality time can help maintain your connection and deepen your friendship.
💙 Tune into Tamara Levitt’s meditation on Real Connection to explore ways to strengthen your bond.
5. Maintain a sense of humor
Find joy in everyday moments. Share funny stories, tease each other playfully, and don't take life too seriously. A lighthearted approach can help make your relationship more enjoyable and resilient.
💙 Find inspiration from Jay Shetty on how to bring lightness into your lives and Be Playful with one another.
5 benefits of having your spouse as a best friend
Seeing your spouse as your best friend can come with benefits that enhance your relationship. Couples who have successfully blended friendship and romance often report higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in their relationships. Building a friendship with your spouse may help you create a strong foundation for a loving and enduring marriage.
Emotional support: Sharing your triumphs and challenges with someone who truly understands you can help you feel more secure and valued, as it helps solidify that you have a partner who’s always there for you.
Enhanced communication: You’re likely to discuss your feelings, thoughts, and concerns more freely, which can help prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts.
Shared goals and interests: Sharing common goals and interests can help you both plan for the future together, which can bring you closer and give you a sense of teamwork and unity.
Deeper emotional connection: Trust, respect, and mutual understanding in your marriage can deepen your emotional connection. When you love each other—but also genuinely like and enjoy spending time together—this deep, emotional connection can make your relationship more fulfilling and resilient.
Increased fun and laughter: When your spouse is your best friend, you can enjoy light-hearted moments, share jokes, and create joyful memories together. This playfulness can keep your relationship vibrant and help you both navigate stressful times with a positive outlook.
What are the downsides of viewing your husband or wife as a best friend?
While having your spouse as your only best friend can be rewarding, there may be potential downsides that might compromise the overall health of your relationship.
Increased pressure and expectations
Having the expectation that your spouse will fulfill all the roles of a best friend can place a lot of pressure on the relationship. Your partner might feel overwhelmed by the responsibility to meet all your emotional needs. Recognize that no single person can be everything to you.
Risk of dependency
Relying too heavily on your spouse for emotional support can create dependency, which can lead to emotional burnout. Maintain individual friendships and interests to provide diverse perspectives and avenues of support, as this also ensures you don’t lose touch with your individuality.
Unrealistic expectations
Viewing your spouse as your only best friend might lead you to expect them to always understand you, share your interests, or respond to your needs in a specific way. When these expectations aren't met, it can cause frustration and strain on the relationship, so it's important to have realistic and flexible expectations.
Loss of personal space
While closeness is important, personal space and independence are too. Spending too much time together can lead to feelings of suffocation. Respect each other's need for personal time and space to help maintain a healthy balance in the relationship.
Neglecting other friendships
If you focus solely on your spouse, you may neglect other important relationships with loved ones. Maintain these friendships for a well-rounded, fulfilling social life.
How to balance friendship and romance in a marriage
Balancing friendship and romance with your spouse requires some effort and intention. But these efforts can help you build a fulfilling marriage that thrives on both deep friendship and passionate romance for many years to come.
Set boundaries
Establish clear boundaries to ensure both partners have personal space and time for themselves and their hobbies. Respect each other's need for independence to help prevent feelings of suffocation and allow for personal growth.
💙 Listen to The Daily Trip to discover A Secret to Better Boundaries.
Plan romantic gestures
Make an effort to surprise your spouse with romantic gestures, such as leaving a sweet note, planning a special date, or giving thoughtful gifts. These small acts of love can reignite passion and remind you why you started dating in the first place.
Schedule regular date nights
Set aside regular time for date nights to focus on each other without distractions. A dinner out, a movie night at home, or a fun activity can help keep the romance alive and nurture your friendship.
Communicate your needs
Talk honestly with your spouse about what you each need to feel loved and appreciated, both as a friend and a romantic partner. This can help create a balanced relationship where both partners feel valued and fulfilled.
💙 Prioritizing Your Needs and speaking truthfully about them to your partner can help them better understand what you need.
Keep things fresh and exciting
Do new and spontaneous things in your relationship to keep it exciting. Try out activities together, explore new places, or take up a new hobby as a couple. Keeping things fresh can help prevent boredom.
Nurture emotional intimacy
Share your thoughts, dreams, and fears with your spouse — and encourage them to do the same. Openness and vulnerability can strengthen and enhance both the friendship and romance in your relationship.
💙 Listen to The Spark’s episode On Vulnerability to learn how to navigate vulnerability in relationships.
Support each other’s individuality
Encourage and support each other’s pursuits and interests. Celebrate each other's achievements and be there during challenging times. Supporting your spouse's individuality shows respect and admiration, which are vital for a balanced and healthy relationship.
Husband as a best friend FAQs
Is it healthy to consider my spouse as my only best friend?
While it can be wonderful to see your spouse as your best friend, it's important to maintain friendships outside your marriage too. Relying on your spouse for all your emotional support can create unrealistic expectations and put them under pressure. Having close friends can allow you to enjoy different perspectives and support systems, enriching your social life and keeping your relationship with your spouse balanced and healthy.
How can we cultivate a friendship if we have different interests?
Cultivating a friendship despite having different interests is possible and can be beneficial.
Find common ground in new activities you both enjoy.
Be open to trying each other’s hobbies and passions.
Encourage each other's goals and show genuine curiosity about them.
What are the signs that my spouse is also my best friend?
There are several signs that might mean your spouse is also your best friend.
Feeling comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment
Having open and honest communication
Enjoying shared interests and spending quality time together
Feeling understood and supported
Finding joy in each other's company
How do I maintain friendships outside of my marriage while still prioritizing my spouse?
Maintaining friendships outside your marriage while prioritizing your spouse requires balance and good communication.
Schedule regular outings with friends and communicate these plans with your spouse.
Ensure your spouse feels valued and prioritized by planning special time together.
Build a strong social network that enriches your life and can positively impact your marriage too.
How can we keep the romance alive while focusing on our friendship?
Keeping the romance alive while focusing on your friendship involves intentional effort, but it can help create a strong, enduring bond that enhances the overall quality of your relationship.
Set aside regular date nights to focus on each other without distractions.
Surprise each other with small romantic gestures, such as thoughtful notes or unexpected treats.
Explore new experiences together to maintain excitement and spontaneity.
Communicate openly about your romantic needs and desires to help both partners feel loved and appreciated.
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