100 questions to ask in a relationship to deepen your connection
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore how asking different types of questions in a relationship can help you get to know someone better. Plus, 15 fun questions to ask your partner.
How well do you really know your partner? Sure, you probably spend a lot of time together and know each other pretty well, but when was the last time you asked them the deeper questions about their thoughts, dreams, fears, and values? If you can't remember because it was so long ago, you’re not alone. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our day-to-day responsibilities that we forget to intentionally nurture and deepen our connections with the people we love most.
Asking questions is a relatively simple, straightforward way to show you’re interested in your partner's ideas, experiences, and perspectives. Whether you're in a new relationship or you’ve been together for years, digging into new topics together can be a fun activity that opens new levels of intimacy and deepens your bond.
How questions can help you get to know your partner better
Questions can be a powerful tool to deepen the connection you have with your partner. As your relationship matures, continue to ask questions. This can help keep the connection strong and fresh, so you can learn, adapt, and grow together.
Build trust and understanding
By asking questions and closely listening to the answers, you show your partner that you value their thoughts and feelings. When your partner feels heard and understood, they’re more likely to share even more with you.
💙 If listening isn’t your strong suit, try one of these eight active listening techniques out next time you ask your partner a question.
Reveal values and innermost beliefs
Questions help uncover the values and beliefs that shape your partner's actions and decisions. Finding common ground and appreciating your differences can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.
💙 See yourself more clearly (and encourage your partner to do the same) with tips from Jay Shetty’s True Reflections meditation.
Strengthen emotional intimacy
Asking meaningful questions can help you feel more comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings. Understanding each other’s fears and dreams and offering support and encouragement can help build a strong, lasting relationship.
💙 Explore the depths of your emotional connection with guidance from Jay Shetty’s Deeper Communication exercise.
Keep the relationship fresh
In long-term relationships, it's easy to fall into routines and assume you already know everything about each other. However, remember that people grow and change over time. Regularly asking questions keeps the relationship dynamic and shows you're interested in who your partner is now — not just who they were when you first met.
Enhance communication skills
Asking questions encourages both partners to articulate their thoughts and feelings clearly. It also promotes active listening, or paying attention to your partner's responses without interrupting or judging. These skills can come in handy when you’re resolving conflicts or making joint decisions.
💙 Be present in conversations with your partner and prioritize Holding Space, a communication tip from Tamara Levitt’s Relationships with Others Series.
Discover shared interests and new ideas
Questions can uncover hobbies, interests, and ideas you might not have known you had in common. This can strengthen your bond and lead you to take on new adventures together. It also keeps the relationship exciting and full of new possibilities.
Encourage personal growth
When you ask your partner about their goals, aspirations, and self-improvement efforts, you encourage them to reflect on their personal growth. This can be motivating and inspire both of you to become better versions of yourselves.
💙 Explore 10 examples of how to set personal development goals at work and at home.
Create a safe space
Meaningful conversations help both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves. This is especially important during challenging times when one or both of you need extra support and understanding. Knowing you can talk openly about anything can build a strong foundation for your relationship.
100 questions to ask in a relationship
Discover new sides of your partner, and your relationship, by asking them questions from the list below. You may choose one question to guide a conversation during a meal, pick a few to ask on a walk, or set aside a whole night to run through as many questions as you can get to. Whatever approach you choose, try to listen with an open mind and fresh perspective.
Your relationship
1. How do you feel about the current state of our relationship?
2. What can we do together to strengthen our bond?
3. How loved and appreciated do I make you feel?
4. What are your expectations of me?
5. How do you prefer to handle conflicts or disagreements?
6. How can we support each other better?
7. What do you love most about our relationship?
8. What activities do you enjoy doing with me?
9. Realistically, how do you see our future together?
10. What are your dreams and goals for us as a couple?
11. What’s your favorite way for us to celebrate special occasions?
12. What would you like us to do more often together?
13. What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple?
14. Is there anything you’d change about our relationship?
15. How can we improve our communication?
The past and future
16. Who was your role model growing up, and why?
17. What challenges from your past have made you stronger?
18. How have your past relationships influenced your views on love and commitment?
19. What are your favorite family memories?
20. What’s your earliest memory?
21. What are the most important lessons you've learned in life?
22. How have you handled change and uncertainty?
23. What are your personal hopes and dreams for the future?
24. How do you want to be remembered?
25. What’s a defining moment in your life?
26. How did your parents influence your views on relationships?
27. What did you love to do most as a child?
28. How do you think your childhood has shaped who you are today?
Personal growth
29. What have you always wanted to try, but haven't yet?
30. What’s your ideal way to spend a weekend?
31. What are your biggest goals for the next five years?
32. How do you handle stress and challenges?
33. Who’s been the most important mentor in your career?
34. Who are the most influential people in your life?
35. What are your favorite hobbies or activities?
36. How do you define success?
37. What motivates you?
38. What one habit do you have that you’d like to change?
39. What skill would you like to master?
40. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
41. What are your personal boundaries and how do you maintain them?
Dreams and ambitions
42. What’s your dream job and why?
43. If you could start any business, what would it be?
44. What project have you always wanted to start?
45. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
46. Where have you always dreamed of visiting?
47. What’s your biggest career ambition?
48. How do you plan to achieve your dreams?
49. What’s your biggest goal in life?
50. What goal are you currently working toward?
51. What would you do if you had unlimited resources?
52. Who inspires you to follow your dreams?
53. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
54. What dream have you held since childhood?
55. What’s one thing you hope to accomplish in the next year?
Values and emotional intimacy
56. What are your biggest fears and how do you cope with them?
57. What’s something you’ve never told anyone else before?
58. How do you express your emotions?
59. What does emotional intimacy mean to you?
60. What values are most important to you?
61. What values do you appreciate in others?
62. What are your thoughts on vulnerability in a relationship?
63. How do you feel when we spend time apart?
64. How much quality time together feels right to you, and why?
65. What makes you feel secure in our relationship?
66. How do you handle feelings of jealousy or insecurity?
67. What’s your love language?
68. How do you feel about sharing your thoughts and feelings?
69. What makes you feel most connected to me?
Your favorite things
70. What’s your favorite book and why?
71. What’s your favorite song or music genre?
72. What’s your favorite season and why?
73. What’s your favorite holiday, and how do you like to celebrate it?
74. What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
75. What’s your favorite sport or physical activity?
76. What’s your favorite type of cuisine?
77. What’s your favorite quote or saying?
78. What’s your favorite type of weather?
79. What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?
80. What’s your favorite type of movie or TV show?
81. What’s your favorite color and why?
82. What’s your favorite place to relax?
83. What was your favorite childhood toy or game?
84. What’s your favorite way to spend time with your family?
Just for fun
85. If you could have dinner with any three people, dead or alive, who would they be?
86. What's your favorite movie of all time and why?
87. If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
88. What's a funny or embarrassing story from your childhood?
89. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
90. What's your favorite way to relax?
91. If you could live in any historical period, which one would you choose?
92. Who was your first celebrity crush?
93. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
94. What are most people surprised to learn about you?
95. What’s your favorite game?
96. If you could instantly learn any skill, what would it be?
97. What food could you eat every day?
98. If you could be any animal for a day, what would you be?
99. What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you?
100. What’s your favorite childhood memory?
Questions to ask in a relationship FAQs
How can I bring up these questions without making it feel like an interview?
Introducing questions into your conversations should feel natural and not forced. Start with light, fun questions to set a relaxed tone. For example, when you’re having dinner, you might ask, "What's your favorite movie of all time and why?" Ask follow-up questions to make sure it’s a conversation, not an interrogation. Gradually, as you both get comfortable, move to deeper questions. Answer the questions yourself too, and share why you’re asking these questions — because you want to know more about them and strengthen your connection.
You can also agree to run through the questions together as a date night activity. Open a bottle of wine, curl up on the couch, and run through a few together for an inexpensive, cozy night at home. This is especially great if your partner’s love language is quality time.
What are some signs that my partner might not be ready for deep conversations?
If your partner appears uncomfortable, avoids eye contact, changes the subject, or gives short, non-committal answers, they might not be ready for deep conversations. Their body language might also suggest discomfort, such as crossed arms or fidgeting. Respect these signs and don’t push them. Instead, give them space and time — it’s possible they’re just not in the mood for a deep conversation at the moment. Creating a supportive environment can help build trust and make it easier for them to open up in the future.
How often should we have deep conversations?
There’s no strict rule on how often you should have deep conversations. It largely depends on your relationship dynamic and comfort levels. Some couples enjoy having regular check-ins, such as a weekly or monthly “date night” dedicated to meaningful conversations. Others might prefer to let these conversations arise naturally during day-to-day life.
Try to have these conversations frequently enough to maintain a strong connection, but not so often that they become overwhelming. Balancing deep talks with lighthearted interactions can help keep the relationship well-rounded and fun.
What should I do if my partner is reluctant to answer certain questions?
If your partner is reluctant to answer certain questions, respect their boundaries. Acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, "It’s okay if you want to talk about something else." Reassure them that there’s no pressure — and that they can share when they feel ready.
It can be helpful to share your own experiences and feelings first, which might make them feel more comfortable opening up. Always approach these conversations with empathy and understanding, showing you respect their pace and privacy.
Can open questions help improve communication in a long-term relationship?
Asking thoughtful questions can help improve communication in a long-term relationship by encouraging both partners to express their thoughts and feelings more openly. This can break down barriers and enable you to address issues that might not surface otherwise.
With better communication, you might also find it’s easier to work through conflicts, achieve deeper emotional intimacy, and feel more connected to each other. Having regular meaningful conversations can help both partners feel heard, valued, and understood, leading to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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