Why the 'soft life' is trending — and 7 tips to start having one

Personal Growth

Nov 13

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

The soft life is more than luxury: it’s about boundaries, self-care, and ease. Explore its meaning and origins, plus 7 tips for creating your own.

There’s a moment in life that can sneak up on you. Maybe you’re sitting at your desk long after everyone else has logged off, phone constantly buzzing, brain fog thicker than ever. You wonder when life started feeling like a to-do list with no end in sight. Some people interpret this as burnout, while others just accept it as the way life is. But just as this lifestyle has been normalized, a softer, slower alternative to hustle culture has emerged, and it’s called the “soft life.”

On the surface, the soft life may appear to be silk robes, the perfect morning matcha, and endless vacation content. But underneath the glossy aesthetic is an intentional choice to stop equating self-worth with productivity. The heart of the soft life isn’t luxury — it’s ease. It’s permission to rest without apology, to set boundaries without guilt, and to choose gentleness in a world that rewards the grind.

Living with ease can be a privilege when there are bills to pay and kids to care for. But softness doesn’t have to be expensive or even exclusive. It can live in the small moments you reclaim for yourself — a breath before answering the phone, an hour after work without multitasking, a morning that starts with stillness instead of scrolling.

Let’s explore what living a soft life really means, where it came from, and how to shape your own version — one that honors your reality, not someone else’s.

What is a “soft life”?

A soft life is often described as living with ease — but not the kind of ease that comes from never having to worry. Living a soft life is about making peace a priority, even when life feels anything but peaceful. To live softly is to move away from constant striving and toward a gentler rhythm where rest, joy, and boundaries are part of how you move through the day.

It’s a mindset that redefines success beyond output or status. Living softly means choosing to care for yourself without needing permission, to slow down without guilt, and to honor your limits without apology. You don’t need perfect conditions or a quiet life to do that. All you need is a willingness to meet yourself where you are and soften the edges of what’s already in front of you, if you’re able.

Origins of the soft life trend

Before it became a buzzword on TikTok or an Instagram aesthetic, soft life emerged within Nigerian social media communities around 2020. It was a declaration—especially among Black women—that joy, rest, and comfort were not indulgences but rights.

The movement began as a rejection of struggle culture, which glorified endurance and sacrifice as proof of worth. Instead, the soft life celebrated:

Ease and rest as acts of power
Self-respect and love as non-negotiable
Joy as something you don’t have to earn

As it spread globally, Western media ultimately transformed it into a luxury aesthetic, where plush fabrics and lavish vacations dominated the narrative. But at its core, the soft life has always been about agency and choosing gentleness where you’ve been told to be tough and rest when you’ve been taught to push through exhaustion.

Soft life vs hustle culture

Hustle culture tells you that the harder you push, the more you’re worth. It rewards exhaustion, glorifies sacrifice, and sells the illusion that busyness equals value. The result is a kind of fatigue that feels normal but quietly drains you, often to the point of burnout.

The soft life is the opposite of hustle culture. While it doesn’t reject ambition, it does reframe it. It asks what success could look like if peace and wellbeing counted as much as productivity. In hustle culture, rest is a prize to be earned. In a soft life practice, rest is the baseline and is something you’re worthy of without justification.

Living softly doesn’t mean opting out of reality or abandoning goals, but rather refusing to tie your value to your output. Consider it the chance to choose care and calm in a world that doesn’t make either easy.

Can anyone live a soft life?

For many people, the picture-perfect version of a soft life with the travel, the expensive candles, and endless free time simply isn’t accessible. When most of your energy goes to working to pay bills, taking care of kids or family, or managing chronic stress, “ease” can feel like an illusion reserved for people with more help, more money, or more safety than you have.

And that’s a valid truth. Privilege shapes how and whether softness is even available for you. Having financial security, stable housing, and community support make rest easier to achieve.

But the soft life wasn’t created for privilege — it was born from the need to reclaim peace within struggle. Softness doesn’t require luxury. It can exist in small, personal moments of intention whatever that looks like for you. At its heart, the soft life is both an individual journey and a collective one. It’s a way to show yourself respect and giving yourself ample time to relax, embrace stillness, and just be

How to live a soft life: 7 tips for embracing ease

Living softly doesn’t mean you’re bailing on work or removing all stressors from your life. But that you’re making room to add ease back into your life.

These tips offer accessible ways to build more calm, comfort, and joy into your life, no matter your schedule, income, or energy level.

1. Create small boundaries around your energy

Softness starts with protecting the energy you have, even if it’s limited. Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic — they can be simple, consistent choices that make your days easier to get through. That might mean saying no to an extra shift if you can, muting work notifications after hours, or turning your phone face down during meals.

First step: Choose one small boundary for this week—like silencing text or work alerts after a certain time—and see how it feels to keep it, even just for a day or two.

💙 Need help setting boundaries? Learn how in our Relationship with Others series on the Calm app.

2. Redefine rest so it fits your life

Rest doesn’t have to mean hours of quiet or a perfect day off. It can be five minutes with your eyes closed, a deep breath before responding to your kid’s twelfth question that morning, or listening to music that helps you feel at ease. Rest is any moment that lets your nervous system reset. Instead of waiting for long stretches of time off, find short, steady pauses that keep you from running on fumes.

First step: Add one five-minute pause to your day. Maybe it’s between tasks or before bed where you do absolutely nothing but breathe and let your body unwind.

3. Make comfort intentional

A soft life can mean taking time for activities that soothe you or creating small moments of relief throughout your day. That could be using your favorite mug for your morning coffee, using a lamp for softer light instead of the overhead light, or preparing something easy or ordering in when you’re too tired to cook a full meal.

If you share space with others or resources are tight, comfort might look like putting on a playlist that calms you or stepping outside for a breath of fresh air. These tiny acts of care tell your body it’s safe enough to slow down.

First step: Identify one small comfort you can bring into your daily routine, like a slower morning routine, a warm drink before bed, or a favorite scented candle, and treat it as non-negotiable.

4. Unlearn guilt

Guilt is often the biggest barrier to achieving softness. Many of us were raised to see rest as laziness or selfishness, but the soft life challenges that belief. When guilt appears, notice it, then move through it anyway.

You’re allowed to rest, even when your to-do list isn’t complete. You’re also allowed to protect your peace without needing to explain it.

First step: The next time you feel guilty for resting, pause and tell yourself one kind truth. You can say, “Resting helps me handle life better.”

5. Focus on what you can control

You can’t control everything, but you can soften what’s close to you. Maybe you can’t change your workload, but you can take the full lunch break you’re allotted. Maybe therapy isn’t accessible right now, but you can journal, walk, or talk with a friend. The soft life isn’t about having more — it’s about expecting less of yourself when you’re already stretched thin.

First step: Choose one area of your day that feels heavy, like preparing meals, doing chores, or even communication, and simplify it by doing the easiest acceptable version this week.

6. Build a community that values ease

A soft life becomes more possible when you’re not trying to live it alone. Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and don’t glorify burnout. That could be a friend who checks in gently, a relative you trade small favors with, or an online space that celebrates balance instead of busyness.

You don’t need a perfect circle of friends or supportive people to thrive — you just need one or two people who remind you that doing your best is enough.

First step: Reach out to one person who feels safe and be honest with them by saying, “I’m trying to slow down a bit. Want to do a low-key check-in this week?”

💙 Want to build a stronger community? Learn how to establish Real Connection on the Calm app.

7. Notice softness when it happens

Living softly isn’t only about creating ease, but it’s also about recognizing it. Softness often hides in small, ordinary moments like a warm cup of tea, laughter that moves throughout your whole body, or your dog sunbathing in the light streaked across the kitchen floor.

This kind of noticing is a form of mindfulness, serving as a reminder to yourself that calm and comfort already exist in your life. Mindfulness turns the soft life from something you chase into something you experience in real time.

First step: Once a day, name one soft moment, no matter how small. Say it out loud, write it down, or share it with someone who gets it. Softness grows where you pay attention.

Soft life FAQs

What does having a soft life mean?

Having a soft life means prioritizing ease, boundaries, and emotional safety in a world that often celebrates exhaustion. That doesn’t mean escaping hard work or responsibility, but approaching life with gentleness instead of pressure.

Living softly means refusing to measure your worth by productivity and creating small systems of care that protect your energy. It can look like setting a boundary at work, choosing quiet over chaos, or allowing yourself to rest without apology. The essence of a soft life is peace, not perfection.

How do I live a soft life if I don’t have extra money?

A soft life doesn’t depend on wealth — it depends on noticing what brings a little relief and making space for that. Softness can exist in small, ordinary choices, such as taking a pause before you rush into the next thing, saying no when you’re already stretched thin, or allowing yourself a moment of quiet before the day begins.

Rest isn’t something you have to earn or buy. It’s something you can let yourself have, even for a few minutes at a time.

How can I embrace a soft life without guilt?

Guilt shows up when we’ve been conditioned to equate rest with laziness. The soft life asks you to rewrite that rule. You can start by remembering that care isn’t selfish — it’s what sustains your ability to show up for others. If guilt creeps in, remind yourself that taking a break doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your responsibilities; it means you’re preserving your capacity to meet them well.

It can also help to surround yourself with people who understand that rest isn’t weakness. If you need structure, try this reframing exercise. Before resting, say, “I’m doing this so I can return with more clarity.” It turns rest into investment rather than indulgence.

Where did the soft life trend come from?

The phrase “soft life” first appeared on Nigerian social media in the early 2020s, particularly among Black women rejecting the expectation of constant struggle. It was a statement of self-worth and a way of saying, I deserve rest, abundance, and joy, without having to earn them through hardship.

From there, the idea spread across cultures and platforms, taking on different interpretations. While Western media often portrayed it as a luxury lifestyle, its original intent was empowerment and reclaiming ease in a world that often denies it to marginalized people. At its root, the soft life is about liberation from grind, from guilt, and from the myth that struggle makes you more deserving.

What does it mean to be in your “soft life era”?

Being in your soft life era means entering a personal season of choosing calm over chaos and compassion over self-criticism. It doesn’t mean everything in your life suddenly becomes easy — it means you start treating yourself with gentleness, no matter how hard things get.

This could be slowing your morning down or saying no more often. Or in a broader sense, shifting the way you view rest and productivity. Your soft life era might start quietly with a single deep breath before reacting, or one small act of care that says, I’m worth this pause. Over time, those moments become your baseline, not your exception.

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soft life

Calm Editorial Team