Is wedding planning stressing you out? Here's how to manage
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Drowning in the stress of planning your big day? Explore the common causes of wedding planning stress and how you can manage (and even avoid) it. Yes, really!
POV: you just got engaged and are excited to start the planning process. You start building your guest list, you check out some venues, maybe you even explore some wedding dress or suit options. Before you know it, the emails are piling up, the details begin to feel endless, your families have tons of questions, and your excitement begins to wane as your stress begins to rise. Sound familiar?
Let us be the first to tell you that feeling overwhelmed while planning your big day is totally normal.
Why is wedding planning (often) so stressful? 6 common causes
Any way you cut it, planning a wedding is a big task that can cause a lot of stress. Here are some of the most common reasons why.
1. High expectations: It’s easy to get caught up in making sure every detail of your day (or weekend) is flawless. You might feel pressure to impress your guests, have the most beautiful decorations, and create unforgettable memories. These high expectations can create a lot of pressure, making the wedding planning process more stressful than it needs to be.
2. Budget worries: Wedding costs can add up quickly, from the venue and catering to the dress and flowers. Managing a budget while trying to avoid overspending can be a huge source of stress.
3. Family conflicts: While it’s great to have support, differing opinions about wedding details can cause tension and conflicts. You might find yourself trying to balance your wishes with those of your family, which can be stressful.
4. Time management: There are only so many hours in a day, and it can feel like there’s not enough time to get everything done. Juggling work, personal responsibilities, and wedding planning can lead to burnout.
5. Decision overload: From choosing the venue and selecting the menu to picking out flowers and invitations, wedding-related choices can feel endless. This decision overload can be overwhelming and exhausting.
6. Fear of things going wrong: It’s natural to worry about things not going as planned on your big day. A wedding is a big high stakes event and it’s natural to want it to all run smoothly.
Signs that wedding planning might be getting to you
Stress from wedding planning might come on slowly as you head toward the big day, or it might suddenly hit when you come across an obstacle. Looking out for these signs can help you take steps to manage the stress and seek support if needed.
You’re feeling overwhelmed
You’re experiencing anxiety or panic attacks
You’re having difficulty sleeping or changes in sleep patterns
You feel irritable or have mood swings
You have trouble concentrating or making decisions
You have physical symptoms like, headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension
You’ve lost interest in activities you usually enjoy
You feel isolated or withdrawing from social interactions
You are worrying constantly about wedding details
There are increased conflicts with your partner or loved ones
How to manage (and even avoid) wedding planning stress: 10 mindful tips to help you keep your cool
The stress of planning a wedding can feel all encompassing but believe it or not, it’s possible to manage—and even avoid—intense wedding planning stress. We’re not going to tell you that planning a stress-free wedding is as easy as snapping your fingers but we will tell you that these strategies may help support the journey to the big day.
1. Set realistic expectations
The most important element to make peace with is that perfection is impossible. (Read that again.) It’s completely natural to want everything to be perfect on your wedding day, but when all else fails, try to focus on what truly matters to you. No matter what happens on your wedding day the most important and exciting part is that you’ll be marrying your partner, and starting your life together.
When planning, try to prioritize the elements that mean the most to you and your partner because this will bring the focus back to celebrating your love, rather than achieving perfection. It’s the first step to finding balance.
💙 If you need help, try these six steps to help you better manage your expectations.
2. Create a detailed budget plan (and stick to it)
We know that wedding planning is exciting but it can also be expensive. You may be looking forward to buying new outfits or planning beautiful personal touches for the table, but the costs can add up quickly.
Eventually, you’ll need to list all the expected expenses and allocate funds accordingly. But before then, have a little fun! Create a day-dream list of all the things you could possibly want and then whittle that down to a list of the most important things. This way you’re still giving yourselves a chance to dream and get creative (DIY anyone?) while getting clear on the non-negotiables of your budget.
3. Make a timeline and set SMART goals
When you look at planning your wedding in the big picture sense, it can feel overwhelming. One of the best ways to get the planning done is to break the process down into smaller, more manageable steps. Some people refer to this as setting SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
This method helps you organize your tasks clearly and efficiently so that you can maximize your time, and safeguard your mental health. If you know you need to plan the reception, try setting a smaller goal like, “book a reception venue by the end of the month.”
💙 It’s likely you and your partner or family will have different ideas of wedding planning, which can create tension. Check out this Shared Goals, Different Approach session from the Daily Jay to help you stay flexible.
4. Communicate openly with everyone involved
If you’re worried about tension or unrest among family members, it can help to talk with relatives and your partner about expectations and compromises. Make sure you have clear communication with them so you can reduce conflicts and ensure everyone is on the same page. Part of open communication involves practicing active listening. Check out these 8 active listening techniques to help you enhance your communication.
It can be hard wanting to “be nice” so your future in-laws will love you, but it’s also important to be honest about what you want, and express how much you want to take others’ opinions into account. It’s always okay to respectfully set boundaries and stand firm on decisions that are important to you and your partner. And if you have people in your life who are overly negative, it’s okay to reduce their involvement.
💙 Being honest about your needs with those you love can be difficult. If you need a leg up, explore this session on Boundaries from our Relationship with Others series.
5. Delegate tasks where you can
If there was ever a time to delegate out tasks and take some burden off your own shoulders, this is the moment! Please don’t try to do everything yourself, or you’ll be so worn out by your wedding day you may not be able to enjoy it fully. Remember, the people who love you want to be there to help! Ask for assistance from friends, and family, or consider hiring a wedding planner if your budget allows.
Delegating tasks can lighten your load and allow you to focus on the aspects of the wedding that you enjoy most.
💙 We know asking for help isn’t easy, but here are seven tips to help you boost your confidence in getting the support you need.
6. Avoid comparing your wedding to others
It’s easy to compare your wedding to others—especially with social media showcasing picture-perfect events—but remember that your wedding is supposed to be unique to your relationship! Protect your mental health and wellbeing by avoiding comparing your plans and details to those of others. Instead, focus on what makes your wedding special to you and all the ways you’ll enjoy it on the day.
💙 This session on Comparison from our Breaking Habits Series can help you stay in the moment and appreciate the wedding experience that is unique to you and your partner.
7. Stay flexible and adaptable
Not everything will go according to plan, and that’s okay. From planning all the way to the big day, try to stay flexible and be prepared to adapt to changes or unexpected challenges. With that said, if you feel like your ability to be flexible has been stretched too far, take a break from planning and practice some self-care.
This feeling of needing total control could be a sign that you’re overwhelmed or overloaded. If you take a break and still feel this way, calmly discuss with your partner, planner, or a trusted friend what you can do to solve the issue.
💙 Unexpected challenges or changes in your plans aren’t easy, but these nine tips to mindfully navigate change can help you deal.
8. Focus on the big picture
We know it’s a stressful time, but don’t lose sight of the big picture! Your wedding day is more than just a big party. It’s the day you get to marry your partner and start your life together. A wedding and a marriage are two different things, and it can be helpful to keep that in mind. This is one day in what is hopefully a long and happy life.
Try reframing your perspective by viewing wedding planning as an opportunity to create meaningful memories and strengthen your bond with your partner, rather than as a list of stressful tasks. Focus on the positive aspects and remind yourself of the joy and excitement that come with preparing for your special day. This shift in mindset can make the planning process feel more enjoyable and less overwhelming.
9. Take care of yourself
If you feel stressed or overwhelmed, self-care, self-care, self-care! Remember to take breaks and take care of you! Sitting at the computer for hours, googling wedding shoes? Take a break and go for a walk. Ordering take-out too often because you're exhausted after creating your guest list or seating chart? Take some time to prepare a nourishing meal.
Taking care of your physical and mental health can make a big difference in how you handle stress. So be sure to nurture yourself during the process. Schedule time for activities you enjoy and that help you relax, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or spending time with loved ones. It’s important to recharge and stay balanced during the planning process.
💙 Need some ideas? Check out our Radical Self-Care series to help you nurture yourself.
10. Seek professional help if needed
When all else fails, mental health professionals are there to help you reduce stress and feel okay! If the stress becomes too much to handle, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Talking to a therapist can provide you with strategies to manage stress and anxiety and help you stay centered and calm leading up to your big day.
It’s important to prioritize your mental health and wellbeing throughout the wedding planning process. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it.
Wedding planning stress FAQs
Is it normal to be stressed when planning a wedding?
Yes, it’s completely normal—many people experience high levels of stress while planning a wedding because it involves many tasks, decisions, and emotions. The desire to make everything perfect and the pressure to please everyone can be overwhelming. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and remember that it’s okay to feel this way. Take it one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
How can I handle family conflicts during wedding planning?
Handling family conflicts during wedding planning can be challenging, but there are ways to manage them effectively.
Talk honestly: Clearly communicate your and your partner’s vision for the wedding and listen to input from family with an open mind. Acknowledge their feelings and show appreciation for their support.
Set boundaries: Let your family know which decisions are non-negotiable and where you’re open to compromise. This helps manage expectations and reduces the potential for conflict.
Stay calm: If disagreements arise, try to stay calm and seek solutions that everyone can live with. The goal is to celebrate your love and commitment.
Keep in touch: Schedule regular check-ins with family members to address any concerns and keep everyone informed.
Ask for help: In some cases, involving a neutral third party, such as a wedding planner or a close friend, can help mediate and resolve conflicts. This may also help you to prioritize your and your partner’s happiness and wellbeing throughout this process.
Is it okay if I don’t enjoy wedding planning?
Yes, it’s completely okay if you don’t enjoy wedding planning. Planning a wedding can be stressful and time-consuming, and it’s understandable if the process doesn’t bring you joy. Try to focus on the bigger picture of celebrating your love with family and friends, and if planning becomes too overwhelming, consider delegating tasks to others or hiring a wedding planner.
Take breaks and make time for other activities that you do enjoy. It’s important to prioritize your wellbeing and remember that the wedding day is just one day, but your marriage is a lifetime.
How can I ensure my partner and I are on the same page during the planning process?
Regular communication with your partner helps ensure you’re on the same page.
Check in: Schedule regular check-ins to discuss the planning process, share your ideas, and make decisions together.
Stay flexible: Be open about your expectations and listen to your partner’s opinions. It’s important to support each other and find compromises that work for both of you.
Remember why you’re getting married: Keep the focus on celebrating your love and commitment.
Working together as a team can make the planning process smoother and more enjoyable for both of you.
How do I recognize when wedding planning stress is affecting my mental health, and what steps should I take?
Recognizing when wedding planning stress is affecting your mental health is very important. Signs include constant feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious, or unable to cope. You might also notice changes in your sleep patterns, appetite, or mood.
If you’re experiencing these symptoms, it’s important to take action. Take regular breaks and practice self-care. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you need it.
Prioritize your wellbeing above all else, and remember that it’s okay to step back and take care of yourself. Your mental health is more important than any wedding detail.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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