What does loneliness feel like? Plus, 7 tips to help you cope
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the definition of loneliness and how to know and describe the feelings of it. Plus, 7 strategies for what to do if you're lonely.
Most of us will feel loneliness at some point in our lives, whether it be during a weekend without plans or during a holiday that doesn't quite meet our expectations. Loneliness is a feeling of sadness or distress that comes from being by yourself or feeling disconnected from others — but it can occur even when you're surrounded by people.
Loneliness is a big feeling that should be taken seriously if it’s a common occurrence, as it can impact both your mental and physical health and potentially lead—or contribute—to depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders. Finding ways to manage your loneliness can help you support your overall wellbeing.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is an emotion that’s caused by isolation or a lack of companionship. But it's not just about being physically alone, as loneliness can strike when you’re surrounded by people. If you don’t have a meaningful connection with anyone around you, you can feel lonely even while in a big group. For some, loneliness can come in short bursts, while for others it might be persistent.
Emotional signs of loneliness
Sadness: Deep sorrow or unhappiness without a clear reason
Hopelessness: Feeling things will never get better
Worthlessness: Believing you don’t matter to anyone
Lack of meaningful connections: Not having close or meaningful relationships
Feeling disconnected in social settings: Feeling alone even when you’re with other people
Effects on mental health
Negative mindset: Expecting rejection or believing others don’t care about you, so it’s hard to form new connections
Depression: Persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest
Anxiety: Excessive worry or fear, often about social interactions
Low self-esteem: Negative self-perception and lack of confidence
Effects on physical health
Fatigue: Feeling tired all the time, even after a good night's sleep
Physical pains: Unexplained aches and pains
Sleep problems: Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or sleeping too much
Cardiovascular diseases: Increased risk of heart disease and high blood pressure
Weakened immune system: Being more likely to get sick
The importance of addressing loneliness
Improves mental health: Can help reduce the risk of depression and anxiety
Enhances physical health: May possibly help lower the chances of developing serious health conditions
Boosts quality of life: May lead to better relationships and a more fulfilling life
Causes of loneliness
Life transitions: Moving to a new place, starting a new job, or a going through a breakup
Loss of a loved one: Grieving the death of a family member or friend
Social anxiety: Fear of social situations preventing you from forming connections with others
Difficulty with social skills: Struggling to communicate or connect with people
How to describe the feeling of loneliness
Loneliness can be a difficult feeling to describe because it can vary so much from person to person. Many people describe loneliness as feeling empty inside — like something important is missing.
Loneliness often makes you feel isolated or disconnected, as if you’re cut off from others. This can happen even when you’re physically around people, like at school or work. A lack of meaningful connections can make you feel separated and alone. Maybe you even feel like you’re invisible, or like no one notices or cares about you. You might also feel like you’ve been deliberately excluded or left out from activities, conversations, or social groups. This can lead you to think that you’re unimportant, and that your presence or absence doesn’t matter to anyone. But this isn’t true.
You might find yourself longing for someone to talk to, share your thoughts with, or simply be around. The emotional experience of loneliness can be intense, and can lead to feelings of sadness, despair, and hopelessness. You might also feel anxious, particularly about social situations, and worry about rejection or further isolation. Over time, these feelings can build up, making it harder to break the cycle of loneliness.
How to know if you’re lonely
To help you recognize loneliness in yourself, ask yourself a few key questions. Answering “Yes” to one or more of these questions might suggest you’re experiencing loneliness, which can be an important step toward addressing and overcoming your feelings.
Do I often feel sad or anxious without a specific reason?
Do I feel like I lack close friends or meaningful relationships?
Do I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about my thoughts and experiences?
Do I feel alone even when I’m with others?
Do I avoid social situations because I feel out of place or disconnected?
Do I often feel tired or have trouble sleeping?
What to do if you’re lonely: 7 strategies to help you cope
If you’re feeling lonely, there are steps you can take to feel less lonely. Sometimes, it’s as simple as reaching out to an old friend or even establishing new routines.
1. Connect with old (or new) friends
Make an effort to meet new people and strengthen your relationships.
Reach out: Call or text a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Join groups: Try clubs, classes, or community activities where you can meet people with similar interests. Exercise classes are popular choices, and your local library might also have resources for groups that meet weekly or monthly.
Attend events: Go to local events like book clubs, sports games, or community gatherings.
💙 Pursue Making Friends – With Yourself, like taking yourself on dates or indulging in extra self-care, while you strive to make connections with others.
2. Try group activities
Find hobbies or activities you enjoy to help you meet like-minded people and feel more connected.
Start a hobby: Try painting, gardening, or playing a musical instrument.
Volunteer: Help others for a sense of purpose and connection with new people.
Exercise: Join a gym, take fitness classes, or sign up for a sports league.
💙 Practice being open to discovering new connections, and explore how Vulnerability can help you achieve those goals.
3. Seek professional help
Consider talking to a therapist or counselor if loneliness is affecting your daily life.
Therapy: Therapists can help you explore feelings of loneliness and develop strategies to cope.
Support groups: Share experiences and find support from others who understand what you’re going through.
4. Practice a lot of self-compassion
Be kind to yourself. Avoid negative self-talk and treat yourself with care and understanding.
Positive self-talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
Self-care: Do things that make you happy and relaxed, like taking a bath, reading a book, or spending time in nature.
Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness or meditation to stay present and reduce anxiety.
💙 Learn how to practice Self-Compassion with Tamara Levitt in this guided meditation from her Relationship with Self Series.
5. Use technology to your advantage
Social media and apps can help you stay in touch with friends and meet new people safely.
Social media: If you approach social media mindfully, you can use it to stay connected with friends and family.
Video calls: Set up regular video calls with loved ones to maintain face-to-face interactions.
Friendship apps: Try apps designed to help people make new friends.
6. Create a routine that includes seeing other people
Having a routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy.
Daily schedule: Plan your day with activities that include a balance of social interactions, hobbies, and self-care.
Set goals: Establish small, achievable goals to keep yourself motivated and focused. Try talking to someone new every day or making sure to say hello to the bus driver when you get on a bus.
💙 Learn how to establish New Routines with guidance from Jay Shetty.
7. Focus on quality over quantity
Building a few deep, meaningful relationships can be more fulfilling than having many superficial ones.
Deep conversations: Have conversations that go beyond small talk. Share your thoughts and listen to others.
Be authentic: Be yourself and allow others to see the real you.
💙 Dive into the Relationship with Others series, a collection of guided meditations that help you cultivate happier, healthier connections.
What does loneliness feel like FAQs
How do you know you're lonely?
You might feel sad or anxious without a clear reason, or disconnected from others. These feelings can be particularly strong when you’re by yourself. Another sign is the lack of close or meaningful relationships. If you feel like you don’t have friends or family you can confide in or spend quality time with, this can cause loneliness. Feeling alone even when you’re with other people is another common sign — you might feel like you’re not truly part of the group, or that you don’t belong.
How can you tell if a person is lonely?
Look for signs like withdrawal from social activities, sadness, or talking about feeling isolated. People who are lonely often avoid social situations because they feel out of place or disconnected. They might also seem sad or anxious without a clear reason. If someone frequently talks about feeling isolated or lacking meaningful connections, they might be experiencing loneliness. Physical symptoms can also be a clue. If someone often feels tired, has trouble sleeping, or complains of unexplained aches and pains, these could be signs of loneliness, as loneliness and depression may be closely linked.
Are there specific age groups more prone to loneliness?
Loneliness can affect anyone, but teenagers, young adults, and the elderly may be more prone to feeling lonely. Teenagers and young adults might struggle with loneliness due to life transitions like moving to a new city, starting college, or entering the workforce. These changes can disrupt their social networks and make it hard to form new connections.
The elderly can also be at a higher risk of loneliness — especially if they’ve lost a spouse, live alone, or have limited mobility. Social isolation and health issues can make it difficult to maintain social interactions.
What are some misconceptions about loneliness?
One misconception is that loneliness only happens when you’re alone, however, you can feel lonely even when surrounded by people. Another misconception is that only shy or introverted people get lonely. But anyone can experience loneliness, regardless of their personality. Some people also believe loneliness is a sign of weakness or failure, but it’s actually a common human experience.
Lastly, people might think loneliness is always a long-term condition, but it can be temporary and situational — depending on life circumstances.
How can I support a friend or family member who is feeling lonely?
To support a loved one experiencing loneliness, you can take several steps.
Reach out and spend time with them.
Listen without judgment and encourage them to engage in social activities. Simply being there for them can make a big difference.
Invite them to join you in activities you both enjoy, like going for a walk, having coffee, or attending a local event.
Encourage them to try new hobbies or join clubs where they can meet new people.
Be patient and understanding, as they might find it difficult to open up about their feelings.
If needed, suggest they talk to a professional—such as a therapist or counselor—who can provide additional support.
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