How to teach kids good manners (and why they matter)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore what good manners are, why they matter, and 8 important manners all kids should know. Plus, how to teach kids good manners and foster more mindful behavior.
When children learn good manners, they're building the foundation for considerate interactions throughout their lives. However—as every parent or caregiver knows—teaching them to use their manners isn’t always easy.
Teaching kids good manners can be as simple as phrases like, “please” and “thank you,” which help children express kindness and gratitude. Good manners might also manifest as understanding more complex social etiquette, such as personal space and taking turns in conversations. When it comes to helping children understand the importance of good manners, there are strategies you can use to get your kids to respond thoughtfully to those around them.
What are good manners?
Good manners are behaviors that show respect, consideration, and politeness toward others. They’re important for creating positive social environments and being considerate and thoughtful in how we interact with others.
Manners can be very different across different cultures. For example, in some cultures, it’s polite to remove your shoes before entering a home, while in others, this might not be expected. Having awareness and respect for these cultural differences is an important aspect of good manners.
Teaching kids about manners from an early age sets them up for success in both their personal and professional lives, boosts confidence, and encourages a respectful and considerate approach toward people in the world around them.
While good manners are important, there are situations where being polite might not be appropriate, especially when it comes to a child's safety. For example, if a child is approached by a stranger who makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe, they should prioritize their safety over politeness. Children should feel empowered to say "no," run away, or seek help without worrying about how others might perceive them. Teaching children that their safety is the most important helps them understand that there are times when it’s okay to break the usual rules of good manners to protect themselves.
How to teach kids good manners: 5 tips
1. Model good manners
Children learn by observing the adults around them. Be a role model by using polite language and demonstrating respectful behavior. For example, say "please" and "thank you" regularly, apologize when necessary, and show patience in waiting your turn.
2. Use positive reinforcement
Encourage politeness by praising children when they use their good manners. Positive reinforcement can be as simple as a verbal acknowledgment, like saying, "Great job remembering to say 'thank you!'" Reward charts or small incentives can also motivate younger children to practice good manners.
3. Consistent practice
Make good manners part of your daily routines so they become second-nature. During meals, teach children to use polite table manners, such as asking, offering, sharing, and thanking — and not speaking with their mouths full. Encourage them to greet people politely, use respectful language, and practice good manners in social situations.
4. Teach digital etiquette
For children old enough to use technology and the Internet, good manners include those in online interactions too. Discuss respectful and kind language in texts, emails, and social media posts, and talk to children about privacy and the impact of their words and actions online.
5. Be mindful of feelings
Encourage children to consider other people’s feelings. Teach them to recognize and respect emotions, whether it's showing empathy when someone is upset or offering support when someone needs help. Use role-playing scenarios to practice and reinforce this behavior.
Why do good manners matter?
Good manners are important for a child’s social development and overall wellbeing, because they can help ensure that they’ll have positive interactions with others in their day-to-day lives.
Social benefits
Practicing good manners can significantly improve relationships with family, friends, and peers. Polite, respectful behavior can create a positive environment where others feel valued and appreciated. This can lead to smoother interactions, fewer misunderstandings, and stronger, more trusting relationships. For example, saying "please" and "thank you" shows respect and gratitude, which can help strengthen bonds and build mutual respect. Practicing good manners can also help children navigate different cultural expectations more easily.
Professional advantages
Being polite, perhaps by listening attentively during meetings, respecting colleagues' opinions, and offering help when needed, can enhance your professional reputation. Employers and colleagues are more likely to view someone as a team player if they contribute positively to the work environment. This can lead to better networking opportunities, promotions, and overall career growth. Good manners in professional settings can also help avoid conflicts and create a more collaborative work atmosphere.
Respectful society
An environment where everyone feels respected and valued can help reduce conflicts and promote a sense of community. Simple acts using polite language in public can make a big difference in how people perceive and interact with each other. Good manners can help establish social norms that encourage kindness, consideration, and mutual respect, which can make society more pleasant for everyone.
8 important manners all kids should know
Teaching kids good manners is important for their social development, because it helps them interact positively with others. This can contribute to their personal and professional success and help create a more considerate, kinder society.
1. Say please and thank you
Using these simple words can help show appreciation and respect, acknowledging other people’s kindness and efforts. This polite behavior can create a positive atmosphere and help build strong relationships.
💙 Discover how mindfulness can support your child’s development in the Mindfulness for Kids (3-4) and Mindfulness for Kids (5-6) series’.
2. Wait your turn
It’s tough, but teaching kids to wait their turn, whether it's in a conversation or in line, shows respect for others' time and space. This can help children learn self-control and consider the needs of others.
💙 Let Peppa Pig help your kid learn how to settle their busy body and practice patience for waiting your turn in this Busy Body Meditation.
3. Apologize when necessary
Saying sorry when they've made a mistake or hurt someone helps children take responsibility for their actions. Apologizing can help mend relationships, show care for others' feelings, and resolve conflict.
💙 Help your kids Learn Kindness with Cinderella when life feels tough or we accidentally hurt someone’s feelings.
4. Ask for permission
Teaching kids to ask for permission before they take something that doesn't belong to them or do something that impacts others can demonstrate respect for other people’s boundaries and helps build respect.
5. Respect personal space
Learning to recognize and honor others' physical boundaries—perhaps by not crowding someone or asking before hugging—can lay the groundwork for important conversations around consent as children grow up.
💙 Teach your kid to feel steady like a tree (and state your boundary) during the Feel Rooted and Strong with Rapunzel guided exercise.
6. Listen when others are talking
Encouraging children to pay attention and listen when someone else is speaking can help them show respect for the speaker and learn from others. This can also enhance their ability to communicate effectively.
💙 Teach your child to be present when speaking with others with the help from Princess Belle in Understanding Others with Belle.
7. Don’t speak over others
Teaching kids to wait until someone else has finished speaking before they start talking helps ensure everyone has a chance to be heard. This can promote respectful conversations and helps children understand the importance of sharing dialogue.
💙 Have your kid practice slowing down like a sloth and taking time to listen to others in the Siena Goes Slow guided exercise.
8. Offer to help when appropriate
Encouraging children to offer assistance when they see someone in need helps build empathy and kindness. This can help strengthen relationships and build a supportive community.
💙 Show your children that helping others can be fun and exciting, as heard in Paw Patrol’s Preparing for a Mission meditation.
Overcoming challenges in teaching good manners
Teaching good manners can come with challenges. With patience, these challenges can be tackled with grace and understanding.
Lack of attention: Young children often have short attention spans. Keep lessons on manners brief and engaging. Use games, songs, and interactive activities to maintain their interest while teaching good manners.
Inconsistent behavior: Children might not always remember to use good manners. Set clear expectations and provide gentle reminders. Reinforce the importance of good manners regularly and remind them when they forget.
Frustration: Both children and parents can feel frustrated during the learning process. Be patient, offer feedback, and focus on gradual improvement rather than expecting perfection. Encourage and support your children as they learn and practice good manners.
Good manners FAQs
What are the 10 good manners?
Saying please and thank you: Show appreciation and respect
Waiting your turn: Demonstrate patience and respect for others
Apologizing when necessary: Take responsibility for mistakes and help mend relationships
Asking for permission: Show respect for others' boundaries and property
Respecting personal space: Recognize and honor physical boundaries
Listening when others are talking: Show respect and enhance communication
Not speaking over others: Ensure everyone has a chance to be heard
Offering help when appropriate: Demonstrate kindness and consideration
Saying excuse me: Politely acknowledge the need to interrupt or pass by
Making eye contact when speaking: Convey attention and sincerity
How can I reinforce good manners in teenagers?
Reinforcing good manners in teenagers can involve several strategies.
Encourage responsibility: Give teenagers responsibilities that require polite interactions, such as ordering food or making appointments.
Set clear expectations: Clearly explain the importance of good manners and the specific behaviors you expect.
Provide positive reinforcement: Praise teenagers when they display good manners.
Model respectful behavior: Demonstrate good manners in your own actions. Teenagers often mimic adult behavior.
Engage in discussions: Talk about why good manners matter, helping them understand the broader impact of their behavior.
What are the golden or magic words of manners?
The “golden” or “magic” words of manners are phrases used by parents to help their children remember to be polite.
Please: Used when making a request, this word shows politeness.
Thank you: Express gratitude and appreciation.
Sorry: Apologize for a mistake and show accountability.
Excuse me: Politely interrupt or request passing by someone.
What are the best resources for teaching children about good manners?
There are many resources available to help teach children about good manners and the importance of polite and respectful behavior.
Books: Read children's books that focus on good manners, such as Please and Thank You by Richard Scarry and Do Unto Otters by Laurie Keller.
Educational videos: Look up online platforms offering videos that teach manners in a fun and engaging way.
Role-playing activities: Practice different scenarios to help children understand and practice good manners in a controlled setting.
Positive reinforcement tools: Use reward charts, stickers, and even affirmations to help motivate younger children to practice good manners consistently.
Games: Play interactive games that focus on manners can make learning fun and memorable.
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