Yes, mommy issues in men are a real thing: 8 signs to look for
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore what it means for men to have mommy issues, the causes, and common signs to look out for. Plus, what to do if mommy issues are affecting your relationship.
You might’ve heard the term “mommy issues” when talking about men who struggle in relationships or have difficulty connecting with women. The phrase is often said in a way that may sound dismissive or is meant as a jab, but the truth is that mommy issues are actually very real.
Mommy issues can point to deep-seated emotional challenges that shape how a man views himself and forms relationships, particularly relationships with women. Perhaps he grew up with an absent mother or mother figure and therefore wasn’t exposed to women early on in life. Or maybe his mother was around but wasn’t emotionally available or responsive to his needs. No matter how you slice it, mommy issues can show up in men anywhere from teenage years well into adulthood — and can alter the course of how they pursue their lives and their relationships.
Of course, mommy issues don’t solely affect just men. Anyone who’s navigated a challenging relationship with their mother or female caregiver growing up may be impacted by similar issues. Regardless of who this affects, it’s important to learn to recognize the signs and take steps to regain control of your emotions and get your well-being back on track.
What does having mommy issues mean for men?
Having “mommy issues” can mean a man has unresolved emotional struggles from his childhood relationship with his mother. These issues can affect how he interacts with women, handles conflict, and approaches intimacy in adulthood.
Men with mommy issues might struggle with trust, become overly dependent on women for support, or avoid emotional closeness. These patterns can lead to challenges in both romantic relationships and friendships, as well as other areas in life where trust and commitment are concerned.
Is an Oedipus complex the same as mommy issues?
The Oedipus complex is a theory introduced by renowned psychotherapist Sigmund Freud. It describes a stage in early childhood (ages 3–6) where a child may feel a subconscious attraction to the opposite sex parent and sees the same sex parent as a rival. Freud viewed this as a normal part of development that children eventually outgrow.
Mommy issues, however, are different from an Oedipus complex. They aren’t tied to a specific age or sexual feelings but involve emotional struggles and behaviors that develop from a man's lifelong relationship with his mother.
What causes mommy issues?
Mommy issues may be caused by the experiences a man had with his mother in his early years. Maybe the mother failed to support her son emotionally, causing him to repress his feelings. Or maybe the mother figure’s actions contributed to her son losing trust in women. While there are many causes for mommy issues, here are a few of the most common.
Overprotectiveness: An overprotective mother may shield her son from challenging situations, leading him to struggle with independence and confidence. As an adult, he might rely too much on women for support or have difficulty making decisions on his own.
Emotional neglect: If a mother was emotionally distant, her son might grow up feeling unloved, leading to insecurity and low self-worth. This can make it hard for him to trust others—especially women—or cause him to seek constant validation from his partner to feel worthy.
Inconsistent affection: When a mother’s attention is unpredictable, her son may develop anxiety about relationships, which may lead to clinginess, jealousy, or a need for control in adulthood.
Over-idealization of the mother: A man who sees his mother as perfect might hold unrealistic standards in adult relationships, which may lead to disappointment if his partner doesn’t meet his expectations.
Do mommy issues mean a man has a bad mother?
Parenting is challenging, but difficulties in the mother-child relationship don’t automatically mean the mother was “bad” or intentionally harmful. Sometimes, despite a mother’s best efforts, certain parenting styles or circumstances can create emotional challenges for the child.
If a mother was a single mom and had to work long hours to make end’s meet, a child may feel neglected or miss having quality time with their mother. If a mother had unresolved emotional issues or experienced generational trauma that wasn’t healed, her actions—like being emotionally repressed—may have impacted her son.
Everyone reacts to their upbringing differently, and everyone’s experiences are individual and unique. What seems minor to one person might deeply affect another and vice versa.
8 common signs a man may have mommy issues
Identifying mommy issues in men isn’t always easy or straightforward, as they look different in everyone. But there are some common signs you can keep an eye out for.
Struggles with trust: If a man is finding it hard to trust women, or becoming overly dependent on them for validation, it could be a sign they have mommy issues.
Difficulty with emotional intimacy: Avoiding deep emotional connections, or becoming too emotionally needy, is another sign there’s unresolved emotional issues.
Resentment towards women: Displaying anger or frustration towards women, often without a clear reason, may be a sign this person is struggling with emotional connection.
Idealizing or criticizing women excessively: Holding women to impossibly high standards, or criticizing them harshly, may be a sign there’s something wrong emotionally.
Fear of abandonment: If a man has a deep-seated fear of being left, leading to clingy or controlling behavior, that could point to them having experienced abandonment early on in their lives.
Overly dependent on women: Needing to rely on women, seeking out motherly figures for emotional support and guidance, or always attaching themselves to a woman may be a sign they’re struggling with mommy issues.
Challenges with setting boundaries: Struggling to set boundaries with others, or allowing others to overstep his boundaries, may be another clear sign, as they may not have learned early in life how to state their needs.
Repeated unhealthy relationship patterns: Finding himself in a cycle of unhealthy relationships or repeating patterns of attachment or behavior may indicate there’s unresolved emotional trauma.
How to deal with mommy issues: 10 tips to help men cope
The first step to cope with mommy issues is to recognize you have them. So, if you’ve taken that step, congratulations! As you learn more coping mechanisms for healing emotional wounds or dependency, remember to give yourself time and be patient as you begin to apply them to your life.
1. Build your support network by connecting with people you trust
Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups who understand and respect your journey. Positive, supportive relationships can provide encouragement and perspective as you work through your emotional wounds.
💙 Listen to our Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship guided meditations that teach you to be there for the people you love and let them be there for you.
2. Practice self-awareness and regularly check in with yourself
Regularly reflect on your thoughts and behaviors, especially in situations where you feel reactive or that bring up strong emotions. This can help you see how your mommy issues are affecting you.
💙 Check out True Reflections with Jay Shetty for some guidance on how to see yourself more clearly.
3. Set boundaries with people in your life
Establish healthy boundaries with your mother and others in your life. Boundaries help you create a sense of independence and prevent emotional dependency, leading to more balanced relationships.
💙 Explore Jay Shetty’s exercise on People-Pleasing and how to break free from it so you can set healthy boundaries once and for all.
4. Communicate openly with the ones you love
Talk to people you feel safe with, like your partner, family or friends, about your struggles. Honest communication can help reduce misunderstandings and build a stronger connection in your relationships.
💙 Learn how to sharpen your attention and be a better listener with Chibs Okereke’s Scattered Attention meditation.
5. Engage in activities that make you feel good, like exercise or journaling
Nurture your physical, emotional, and mental health. Exercise, meditate, or spend time in nature to help you manage stress and maintain emotional balance.
💙 Try to Walk Away Stress to get your body moving and nurture your wellbeing.
6. Practice self-compassion as you work on healing your wounds
Be kind to yourself as you work through these issues. Healing is a process, and it’s okay if progress feels slow. Celebrate small victories and acknowledge the effort you’re putting into your personal growth.
💙 Learn how to cultivate kindness for yourself with a Loving-Kindness meditation.
7. Take time to breathe and manage your emotions when you feel triggered
Learn to manage your emotions, especially when you feel triggered by situations that remind you of past experiences with your mother. Use techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, or journaling to help you stay grounded and respond more calmly.
💙 Let our Breathe Bubble guide your deep belly breathing during times of stress.
8. Set aside time to get to know yourself
Work on understanding who you are outside of your relationship with your mother or any other person. Explore your values, beliefs, and passions to help you build a solid foundation for your self-esteem and sense of who you are.
Reconnect with your independence with hobbies, personal goals, or building new skills. You may also notice a boost in your self-confidence during this time, too.
💙 Discover who you are and find inspiration from Jay Shetty on how to celebrate Your Unique Skillset.
9. Take accountability for your actions
Take responsibility for your actions and behaviors, even those influenced by your mommy issues. This doesn’t mean blaming yourself, but instead recognizing you have the power to change and grow.
If it feels right, consider forgiving your mother for past hurts. Forgiveness doesn’t mean supporting harmful behavior, but it can help you release lingering resentment and find peace.
💙 Explore our series on Forgiveness and learn to forgive yourself in the midst of taking responsibility.
10. Seek therapy if you need additional support
Work with a therapist to explore your feelings, understand the root of your issues, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and, ultimately, heal.
If your mommy issues are impacting your relationships, especially a romantic relationship, try couples therapy to help you work through these challenges with your partner.
Can women have mommy issues?
Women can have mommy issues just like men can. Similarly to a man’s experience, these issues often stem from early experiences with a woman’s mother and can shape how a woman views herself and relates to others. If a mother was overly critical or emotionally unavailable, her daughter might struggle with low self-esteem and constantly seek validation. If the mother was controlling, the daughter might have trouble asserting independence or setting boundaries, which may lead to dependency or rebelliousness in relationships.
Mommy issues can also affect how a woman approaches motherhood, friendships, and connections with other women. And this can make it difficult to trust others.
If you’re a woman ready to heal your mommy issues, then therapy, practicing self-awareness, learning how to set boundaries, and giving yourself compassion may all be helpful tools for you to use. Always remember that while the mother-daughter relationship can have a deep impact, it doesn’t have to define your entire life or your ability to form healthy relationships. Here are five ways to actually practice self-compassion to get you started.
Are mommy issues similar to daddy issues?
Mommy and daddy issues both come from a similar place — emotional challenges in relationships with parents. But they can hold different dynamics and affect relationships in a variety of ways.
Mommy issues may involve struggles with emotional intimacy, trust, and dependency, which may often come from overprotective or distant mothers.
Daddy issues often relate to authority, self-esteem, and identity, typically from strained relationships with fathers. Here’s what you need to know about daddy issues.
Are your partner’s mommy issues affecting your relationship? Here are 9 things to do
If your partner’s mommy issues are affecting your relationship, there are actions you can take to address them. From common tips like openly communicating to lesser known tips like shifting your perspective, you can start where you’re comfortable to address mommy issues once and for all.
1. Communicate openly with your partner about the issues
Talk honestly with your partner about how the relationship is being affected by these issues. But try not to judge. Approach this conversation with empathy and a willingness to listen. Most importantly, ensure the conversation is safe to have and that both you and your partner feel supported and comfortable.
Instead of placing blame, focus on how you both feel and what you’ve observed. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed that we struggle with trust sometimes, and I think it might be connected to your relationship with your mom. How do you feel about that?”
💙 Sharpen your listening skills and make others truly feel heard in this Supportive Listening meditation led by Jay Shetty.
2. Set healthy boundaries with your partner
If your partner tends to be overly dependent on you for emotional support, or struggles with setting limits, establish clear boundaries that protect both of your needs. Be firm but compassionate and talk about how much time you spend together, how you handle conflicts, or what kind of support you provide each other. Not only will setting healthy boundaries preserve your relationship, but it’ll also encourage your partner to assess their mommy issues and take steps to heal them independently.
💙 Tune in to Jeff Warren’s A Secret to Better Boundaries meditation to help guide you and your partner through setting relationship guidelines.
3. Be patient while your partner navigates their healing journey
Understand that your partner might not be able to change their behavior overnight, and there may be setbacks along the way (which are totally normal). Offer your support, but also take care of yourself. It’s okay to feel frustrated or drained at times, so feel free to give yourself plenty of space to process your own emotions.
💙 Check out this session from the Daily Calm on practicing Patience.
4. Avoid playing the role of the therapist
It’s natural to want to help your partner, but trying to “fix” their issues on your own can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where you feel responsible for their emotional wellbeing.
Instead, support them by being loving and understanding, and encourage them to seek professional help for guidance to tackle the deeper work. Consider couples therapy, so you can work on the relationship together with the guidance of a professional. This can help maintain a relationship where you’re both equals, rather than falling into a caretaker or rescuer role.
5. Focus on building trust with your partner
If your partner struggles with trusting you fully, either because they fear abandonment or because they’ve been hurt before, work on building trust slowly and steadily.
Reassure your partner when needed, but also encourage them to trust in the relationship and your commitment to each other. Be consistent in what you say and do, as creating a strong and lasting bond can take time.
💙 Invite peace and trust into your life with the help of the Forgiveness series with Tamara Levitt.
6. Celebrate small victories within your relationship
Whether it’s a small breakthrough in communication, a positive change in behavior, or simply a moment of connection that feels stronger than before, your progress matters. Celebrate to help boost your partner’s confidence and reinforce the positive changes you’re both working towards. By centering this form of mindfulness in your relationship, you can take a step toward healing together.
7. Take care of your own wellbeing
Supporting a partner with mommy issues can be emotionally taxing, so remember to take care of your own wellbeing. Get the support you need through talking with a trusted friend, seeking your own therapy, or recharging with self-care. This can help you have the energy and emotional resilience to support your partner.
💙 Create a plan for your wellbeing with help from the Radical Self-Care series with Lama Rod Owens.
8. Understand when to step back
If the issues are overwhelming your relationship or your partner isn’t willing to seek help or make changes, it might be time to reassess the relationship and maybe even take a break.
Stepping back doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you recognize that sometimes the best way to help someone is by allowing them space to work on themselves.
9. Try to reframe your perspective
Understand that these issues are deeply rooted and that healing isn’t a quick fix. Stay focused on the love and connection you share, and remember that every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.
💙 Take a moment to connect with your body and mind in this short meditation on Checking in With Yourself.
Mommy issues in men FAQs
Can mommy issues affect a man's ability to commit in relationships?
Mommy issues can impact a man’s ability to commit because unresolved emotional struggles with his mother can lead to deep fears and insecurities. If his mother was emotionally unavailable or inconsistent, he might fear getting too close, and this can lead to either avoiding deep connections or becoming overly dependent on his partner.
These behaviors aren’t usually intentional. And with self-awareness, therapy, and open communication, he can work through these fears and gradually learn to trust and commit more fully in relationships.
What are some long-term effects of unresolved mommy issues?
Unresolved mommy issues can deeply affect emotional wellbeing and relationships, often leading to trust issues, difficulty with intimacy, and unstable relationships. This can result in low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. They also impact how you handle conflict and communication.
Addressing these issues through therapy and self-reflection can help break these cycles and improve emotional health and relationships.
Can improving your relationship with your mother help resolve mommy issues?
Improving your relationship with your mother can help with mommy issues, but it may not be enough. Although open communication might provide closure, not all relationships can be fully mended.
Whether or not the relationship improves, therapy can help you explore your feelings, set boundaries, and find peace with whatever outcome you have. And while a better relationship with your mother may help, it’s not the only solution to living a life of happiness and having healthy, fulfilling relationships. Explore these 12 mindfulness practices for cultivating inner peace.
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