What is the physical touch love language? Plus, 8 examples
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the physical touch love language, including what it is and why it's important. Plus, how to give and receive physical touch in your relationship.
We all have those days where we just need a hug to keep going, but for some people this kind of physical contact is a daily necessity for them to feel seen and understood.
Physical touch is one of the five love languages that describes people who feel most connected to others through displays of physical affection, like hugs, holding hands, or cuddling.
If you describe yourself as a hugger or are more comfortable with public displays of affection than others, you may value physical touch as a primary love language. Not only does physical touch fulfill a human need for connection, but it can also help build emotional intimacy, which can make someone feel loved, safe, and secure in their relationships.
What is the physical touch love language?
The physical touch love language is one of the five love languages identified by Gary Chapman, PhD, in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Each love language represents a different way people prefer to receive love. For some, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and simple gestures like a pat on the back or a touch on the arm can make them feel loved, safe, and secure in their relationships. And while sex and sexual intimacy can be a part of this love language, it’s not the only expression of physical touch as some may think.
It should be noted that love languages can also apply to friend and familial relationships as well as romantic ones. For example, if physical touch is one of your primary love languages, you might appreciate hugs from friends and family members as well as your partner.
Why physical touch is important in relationships
Physical touch can strengthen romantic relationships in several ways, from creating a sense of intimacy to solidifying safety in your connection. Physical touch can help you:
Grow your bond with your partner
Increase your sense of belonging
Improve mental and emotional health
Communicate with affection
Reassure and comfort each other
8 examples of loving physical touch
Physical touch isn’t solely about romantic or sexual interactions, which may be a common misconception with this love language. These gestures can be either intimate or friendly, and each can convey affection and strengthen your bond.
A warm hug can show support, affection, and comfort.
Holding hands while walking or sitting together can create feelings of closeness and unity.
Kisses can show love and desire.
Snuggling up together can bring warmth, security, and connection.
Giving your partner a massage after a long day can be relaxing and intimate.
A gentle touch on the arm or back during a conversation can convey love and attention.
High-fives or fist bumps can be a casual way to celebrate small victories or show support.
A pat on the back can provide comfort, encouragement, or show solidarity.
The importance of consent
Consent is important in any relationship, so always consider the other person's comfort and boundaries surrounding physical touch.
Communicate openly: Talk to your partner about their preferences and comfort levels with physical touch. Ask them what types of touch they enjoy and how often they like to be touched.
Look for non-verbal cues: Pay attention to their body language and non-verbal cues to understand how they feel about physical touch.
Check in regularly: As relationships evolve, so do people’s boundaries and preferences. Regularly check in with your partner—and check in with yourself—to ensure you both feel comfortable and respected.
7 ways to give physical touch in relationships
Bringing physical touch into your relationships can enhance your emotional connection and express love meaningfully to those you care about. Whether it be through a high five, a hug, or a meaningful touch, those who prioritize this love language will appreciate the gestures that promote connection.
1. Be present and aware of your gestures
When you engage in physical touch, make sure you’re fully present. Focus on your partner and the connection you’re building through touch. Gentle touches can be a meaningful gesture as it can communicate tenderness and care, while strong hugs or holds can provide support and comfort. Notice how your partner responds to different levels of touch and use their feedback to guide you.
💙 Learn how to Be Here, Be Present in order to recognize the effects of your actions.
2. Hug your partner when they come home from work
Give your partner a welcoming hug at the end of the day to help them feel appreciated and loved. This gesture can tell them you missed them and you’re glad they're back. A hug like this also offers immediate emotional support and connection if they’ve had a tough day.
3. Hold hands while walking or sitting together
Whether you're walking through the park or sitting together at a restaurant, stay connected to help your partner feel close to you. Reinforcing your bond even in public settings can help show your love and unity. Since holding hands makes it harder to do anything else with your hands, let your partner know if you need to pause the connection to take a bite of your meal, take a sip of your water, etc.
💙 Learn more about the Five Love Languages in Tamara Levitt’s Love and Relationships series.
4. Give a gentle touch during a conversation
Touch your partner on the arm or back while they’re talking to show you’re engaged and attentive. This can enhance the emotional depth of your conversations and make your partner feel supported and understood, especially during serious or emotional discussions.
💙 Prioritize Kind Communication, along with gentle touch, while talking with your partner.
5. Snuggle together
Being physically close during relaxed moments can help you deepen your bond. A safe and comfortable space can help you unwind and enjoy each other's company.
6. Give each other a massage after a long day
Help relieve tension and stress to make your partner feel relaxed and cared for. This can enhance your physical and emotional connection.
💙 Let the melodic notes of the harp melt away the stress from your day by listening to Relaxing Harp for Stress Relief.
7. Kiss your partner goodbye or goodnight
Kiss your partner goodbye in the morning and goodnight before bed to start and end your day with affection, making your partner feel loved. Regularly connecting through physical intimacy like kissing can help maintain a romantic connection.
A note on receiving physical touch
While many people express love through physical touch, not everyone is equally comfortable with that form of connection and closeness. People’s physical touch preferences can be influenced by past experiences, cultural background, and personal boundaries.
If your love language is physical touch, but your partner prefers to show affection in other ways, find a balance that works for both of you.
If your partner’s love language is physical touch, but yours isn’t
Some people will find themselves in a relationship with someone who prefers to give or receive physical touch as their primary love language, while their own preferences lean more towards the other languages (or vice versa). This can seem like a challenging hurdle to overcome, but there are steps you can take to ensure everyone gets their needs met.
Communicate openly: Share your feelings around physical touch and listen to your partner’s perspective to help you understand each other and find common ground. When discussing your needs, use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example, “I feel loved when you,” or “I feel more comfortable with a gentle touch on my back.”
Start small: Begin with small, non-intrusive touches like a gentle pat on the back or a brief hand-hold. Gradually increase the level of physical affection as both of you become more comfortable.
Set boundaries: Clearly define what types of touch are okay and which ones aren’t to help maintain trust and comfort in the relationship.
Be patient: If you are less comfortable with physical touch, ask for time to adjust and take it slow.
Mix it up: Combine physical touch with other love languages, like spending quality time together to help balance both your needs.
Be mindful of timing: Choose appropriate moments for physical touch. A supportive hug during a difficult time or a loving touch during a romantic moment can be more meaningful and appreciated than a surplus of less intentional touches.
Be adaptable: Evolve your approach to physical touch based on your comfort levels.
Check in regularly: Have regular check-ins about your comfort levels and preferences to help you both feel respected and valued.
How to find your love language
If you aren’t sure what your love language is or you want to find your partner’s preferences, check out our article, “How to find your love language.”
The five love languages:
Physical touch: Learn how physical affection can strengthen your relationship.
Words of affirmation: Learn how verbal expressions of love can solidify your bond.
Acts of service: Discover how doing things for your partner can show you care.
Receiving gifts: Understand how thoughtful gifts can make your partner feel cherished.
Quality time: Find out how spending mindful time together can deepen your connection.
Physical touch love language FAQs
How can I communicate my need for physical touch to my partner?
Communicating your need for physical touch can help you ensure your needs are met and build a deeper connection with your partner.
Find a calm and private moment to discuss your needs, rather than during an argument or a stressful situation.
Explain what kinds of physical touch make you feel loved and connected. For example, you might say, "I feel really loved when we hold hands while walking," or "Hugging you after a long day makes me feel comforted."
Focus on your feelings and needs to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, "I feel more connected to you when we cuddle" can be more effective than "You never cuddle with me."
Acknowledge and appreciate the physical touch your partner already gives, as positive reinforcement may encourage them to express love with physical touch even more.
Listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings about physical touch, so both your needs can be met.
What if my partner's love language is different from mine?
When partners have different love languages, it’s important to find ways to meet each other’s needs.
Take time to understand what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated to help you express love in a way that resonates with them. This might mean giving words of affirmation, giving gifts, spending quality time together, or performing acts of service.
Explain your love language and why it’s important to you. Help your partner understand how physical touch makes you feel loved and connected.
Build both love languages into your relationship. For example, you might hold hands (physical touch) while having a meaningful conversation (words of affirmation) to meet both partners' needs.
Be patient and supportive as you both learn to express love in new ways. Adjusting to each other’s love languages can take time.
How can physical touch improve overall relationship satisfaction?
Regular physical touch can enhance emotional closeness and deepen your bond. That’s because physical touch often promotes the release of oxytocin, the love hormone, which can help reduce stress and promote feelings of happiness and relaxation. Physical affection can also increase the production of serotonin and dopamine, which can enhance mood and wellbeing. Non-verbal communication through touch can sometimes show emotions and support better than words can.
Are there ways to incorporate physical touch in long-distance relationships?
Sharing physical touch in long-distance relationships can be challenging, but with a little creativity, it is possible.
Plan regular visits: Whenever possible, spend time together in person. During these visits, make the most of physical touch to reinforce your bond.
Send thoughtful gifts: Give a soft blanket, a piece of clothing with your scent, or a stuffed animal to provide a sense of physical closeness even when you’re apart.
Virtual touch: Use technology to your advantage. During video calls, mimic physical touch by placing your hand on the screen or sending virtual hugs and kisses.
Care packages: Send surprise parcels that encourage physical comfort, like massage oils, cozy socks, or a note expressing how you can’t wait to hug your partner the next time you see each other in person.
Plan future activities: Talk about the physical activities you’ll do together, like going for walks while holding hands, cuddling on the couch, or giving each other massages.
Can physical touch help resolve conflicts in a relationship?
For some people, physical touch can help resolve conflicts and improve communication during heated moments. It can help lower stress levels and create a sense of safety, making it easier to address the conflict calmly. A comforting touch can show that you care about their feelings, and are committed to resolving the issue.
Sometimes, words can escalate conflicts. Physical touch can provide a non-verbal way to express love and reassurance, helping you both feel ready to resolve things. Using physical touch mindfully and respectfully during conflicts can strengthen your relationship and help you navigate disagreements and forgiveness together.
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