What is the quality time love language? Plus, 9 examples
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore the quality time love language, including examples, why it's important, and what to avoid. Plus, how to show your partner quality time as a love language.
Let’s say you make plans with friends to have dinner at a new restaurant. Even if you find yourself poring over the menu ahead of time, is it the food you’re excited about, or just being around the people you love?
If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “It doesn’t matter what we do, I just wanna hang out!” then quality time might be one of your primary love languages. This means you prize having shared experiences and focused interactions with the people you care about more than anything else. Spending quality time with the people in your life—including friends and family— makes you feel valued and seen.
When it comes to romantic partnership, quality time can be as extravagant as a fancy date night or vacation, or as simple as a picnic or a walk. The goal should be setting aside distractions and giving your partner your full and undivided attention — no matter where you are.
What is the quality time love language?
Quality time is one of the five love languages identified by marriage counselor Gary Chapman, PhD, in his book, The 5 Love Languages. It means you really value spending intentional and meaningful time with your partner.
But it’s not just enough to be physically present. Quality time implies that you’re emotionally and mentally engaged with your partner, too. This means turning off distractions—no texting, scrolling on your phone, or staring at the TV when you’re out together—so that you can give them your full attention.
In a relationship, spending quality time could be as simple as having a heartfelt conversation over dinner, going for a walk together, or sharing a hobby. When you’re fully involved in the moment, your partner feels important and cherished. Active listening, eye contact, and deep conversations are a must for people who value quality time.
Why the quality time love language is important
Quality time can help you maintain strong, healthy relationships and improve many facets of your life if this is your love language.
Enhanced communication: Conversations without distractions can help you understand each other better and resolve conflicts more easily.
Deepened emotional bonds: Shared activities can help strengthen your emotional connection.
Lasting memories: Experiences and quality interactions help you build a history together, adding depth to your relationship.
Sense of belonging: Regularly spending quality time together encourages a sense of security and reassures your partner that they’re a priority.
Mutual understanding: When you spend quality time with your partner and have regular conversations, you can better understand each other's needs, desires, and preferences.
9 examples of how to practice the quality time love language
There are lots of ways you can give your partner your full, undivided attention and share special moments to help make them feel valued. Here are a few examples of how to show your partner you care by carving out quality time together.
1. Prioritize regular date nights
Schedule weekly or monthly date nights to keep the romance alive. You might book dinner at your favorite restaurant or plan a picnic in the park. Even trying a new recipe from a cookbook, or playing your favorite board game can make for a special way to connect.
2. Plan special getaways when you can
Plan occasional day or weekend trips to new places or revisit some of your favorite spots. You could visit a nearby town, go camping, or have a staycation at a local hotel to get a change of scenery and uninterrupted time together. Getting away from daily routines and responsibilities can allow you to focus on each other and create special memories together.
3. Involve each other in your daily routines
Shared activities can strengthen your bond and make mundane tasks more enjoyable. Try turning everyday tasks into opportunities for connection. You could cook meals together, do household chores as a team, or take a walk after dinner. (Laundry date night anyone?)
💙 Create New Routines together as a couple and witness your connection flourish.
4. Eliminate distractions
Turn off phones, tablets, and TVs during quality time to stay fully present and show your partner they’re your priority. You might even decide on certain times or places in your home where devices aren’t allowed. This can help eliminate distractions so your time together can be focused.
💙 Make bedtime a screen-free time with The Daily Move’s Screen Off, Sleep On.
5. Practice mindfulness together
Yoga, meditation, or simply sitting quietly together can help you focus on being present in the moment, appreciating each other’s company, and maybe sharing a bit of gratitude for one another. Practicing mindful listening by focusing entirely on what your partner is saying during a conversation without planning your response is a great way to show that you care.
💙 Take a few minutes to develop warmth and kindness toward yourself and your partner with a Loving-Kindness meditation.
6. Set up daily check-ins
Dedicate a few minutes each day to focus solely on your partner and give them your undivided attention. You could try a 15-minute check-in at the beginning of the day to talk through any feelings or hopes for the day, or come together at the end of the day to share how the day went and what you’re grateful for.
💙 Develop the habit of Holding Space for each other throughout the day to engage in thoughtful connection.
7. Try new things together
Explore activities or events that feel new and exciting to you both. You could take a class together to learn a new skill, participate in a sports league, or get your thrills while skydiving. The activity isn’t important, just focus on something that you’re both interested in to gain a shared experience.
8. Create new traditions
Make your own traditions or rituals with your partner, like a Sunday brunch, a monthly game night, or an annual getaway, so that you always have things to look forward to.
9. Celebrate small moments
Mark the end of a work week, a personal achievement, or just a great day with a simple toast, a special meal, or a heartfelt note to make even the simplest of things feel special. Taking time to celebrate all the little moments that make up your lives together can be a great way to stay connected and grateful for one another.
What to avoid if your partner's love language is quality time
Understanding what to avoid can be just as important as knowing what to do when your partner's love language is quality time. By being mindful of these common pitfalls, you can help your partner feel valued and cherished.
Multitasking while spending time together
Avoid doing other activities while spending time with your partner. If you’re checking your phone, watching TV, or working on your laptop, it can make your partner feel unimportant and neglected.
Failing to prioritize one-on-one time
Don’t let busy schedules or other commitments prevent you from spending quality time together. When you fail to prioritize one-on-one time, your partner may feel ignored which can lead to loneliness and dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Being physically present but mentally absent
If your mind is elsewhere, your partner will sense your disconnection. Avoid merely being physically present without engaging mentally and emotionally. Sitting together in silence at the dinner table doesn’t equal quality time. But sitting together engaged in mindful conversation does.
Canceling or rescheduling plans frequently
Constantly canceling or rescheduling plans can make your partner feel like they’re not a priority.
Not initiating activities
Waiting for your partner to always initiate plans or suggest activities can make it seem like you’re less interested in spending time with them.
Ignoring the need for deeper conversations
Surface-level conversations are fine, but make sure to have deep chats, too. If you need inspiration, there are board games that help curate conversation and even lists of questions to ask your partner to be found online. Have fun with it!
Taking your partner’s presence for granted
Taking your partner’s willingness to spend time together as a given can lead you to neglect them emotionally.
How to find your love language
If you aren’t sure what your love language is or you want to find your partner’s, check out our article, “How to find your love language.”
The five love languages:
Physical touch: Learn how physical affection can strengthen your relationship.
Words of affirmation: Learn how verbal expressions of love can solidify your bond.
Acts of service: Discover how doing things for your partner can show you care.
Receiving gifts: Understand how thoughtful gifts can make your partner feel cherished.
Quality time: Find out how spending mindful time together can deepen your connection.
Quality time love language FAQs
How can I identify if my partner’s love language is quality time?
To find out if your partner’s love language is quality time, start by asking them how they feel about spending uninterrupted time together. You can also take notice if they seek undivided attention or express frustration or sadness when you’re distracted during your time together. It can also be fun to discuss the love languages with your partner, or take the love languages quiz together to discover each other's preferences.
What are some budget-friendly ways to spend quality time together?
Spending quality time doesn’t have to be expensive, nor does it have to cost anything at all. Consider taking walks together, cooking a new recipe, or even playing your favorite board game at home. You might also check out free classes or events in your area, work on a DIY home project, or craft. Time spent outside can also be connective. Try going for a moonrise picnic the next time there’s a full moon, going stargazing, or spending an afternoon reading in your local park.
How do we balance quality time with our busy schedules?
Plan ahead and be committed to balancing quality time with your partner and a busy schedule.
Prioritize and schedule: Schedule quality time just like any other important appointment, and write it down in your calendar.
Make use of small moments: Even if you’re busy, use short breaks to connect. Send a loving text during the day, share a quick coffee break, or have a brief check-in conversation in the evening.
Combine activities: Look for ways to add quality time into necessary tasks. Cook meals together, exercise together, or run errands as a team.
Be flexible: Understand that schedules can change. If you have to reschedule planned time together, make sure you communicate to find another time that works.
Set boundaries: Protect your quality time from work and other distractions. Turn off notifications and let others know that you’re unavailable during your time with your partner.
Plan ahead: Schedule activities or dates ahead of time so you have something to look forward to and are less likely to let other commitments interfere.
Be present: Focus on being fully present during your time together. Even a short amount of quality time can be meaningful if you’re completely engaged and attentive.
What are some signs that I’m not giving enough quality time to my partner?
Recognizing when you’re not giving enough quality time to your partner can help you make necessary adjustments so they feel loved and appreciated.
Increased frustration or irritability: If your partner seems more frustrated or irritable than usual, it might be a sign they’re feeling neglected.
Frequent requests for attention: If your partner often asks you to spend more time with them, they may need to spend more quality time with you.
Emotional distance: Notice if your partner seems emotionally distant or less connected.
Decline in communication: Fewer conversations and sharing less about your lives might be a sign you’re not spending enough quality time together.
Increased reliance on technology: If your partner is spending more time on their phone, computer, or with other distractions, they might feel a void in the relationship.
Reduced physical affection: A decrease in physical closeness or affection can indicate that your partner feels less valued and connected.
Expressed dissatisfaction: If your partner tells you they feel neglected or unhappy with the amount of time you’re spending together, take it seriously and work to address their concerns.
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