How (and why) to think before you speak: 12 mindful tips
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover the benefits of taking time to think before you speak and learn how to practice it. Plus, 12 tips for implementing thinking before you speak in daily life.
As children many of us were taught to think before we speak — and for good reason. We’ve all been caught in moments of emotion where we want to lay into another person or maybe just the world at large, but taking a moment to consider what you’re going to say can make a huge difference in your relationships.
Sometimes the moment of reflection can stop you from making unnecessary or unkind comments. Other times, it can help you get your message across clearly, so you’re fully understood. If you just say whatever is on your mind, it’s easy to find yourself rambling — or worse, saying things that you’ll regret later.
What is thinking before you speak?
Thinking before you speak is about pausing to consider the intentions or goals behind what you are about to share, or letting excess emotion or agitation settle so you aren’t drawn to speak in a way you otherwise wouldn’t. This can help you communicate more effectively, prevent misunderstandings and conflicts, and build better relationships. The practice of taking a moment to consider what you want to say before you say it is also an important part of mindful communication.
Mindfulness and emotional intelligence
Mindful communication uses the skills of mindfulness and emotional intelligence to help you be present and fully engaged in the current moment in order to speak more clearly. When you’re aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings, you can also begin to pay attention to your words and the way you deliver them. Thinking before you speak is a form of mindful communication, using emotional intelligence to consider how your words might affect the listener's feelings and adjust your message accordingly.
10 benefits of thinking before you speak
When you show you care about the feelings of others—and communicate your own needs clearly—by taking a moment to consider your words before you speak, you can build better relationships and reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.
Thinking before you speak can have many ripple effects across your personal and professional life.
Improved relationships: Respectful, thoughtful communication can help build trust and strengthen relationships.
Positive reputation: People who communicate thoughtfully are often seen as more reliable and trustworthy, and this can open new opportunities.
Fewer misunderstandings: If you articulate your message clearly, you avoid confusion.
Reduces conflicts: Being diplomatic can help you avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Mutual respect: Listening to others’ feelings and perspectives can promote an environment where everyone feels valued and heard.
Positive example: When you think before you speak, you encourage others to do the same.
Reduced anxiety: Avoiding saying things you might later regret can help reduce anxiety.
Increased emotional regulation: Stepping back to assess your feelings can help say what you really mean.
Better problem-solving skills: Taking time to consider different perspectives can help you find creative solutions.
Thoughtful leadership: Thinking before you speak can model mindfulness, helping create a trickle-down effect within an organization.
How to practice thinking before you speak
Remembering to think before you speak can take some time and effort, but it can become natural with a little practice.
Take some deep breaths
When you feel the urge to speak impulsively, take a few deep breaths to help calm your mind and body and give yourself a moment to consider the intention or goal behind what you want to say. This can help prevent you from reacting quickly, and allows you to respond more thoughtfully.
Count to ten
Take some space to pause before you speak by counting to ten in your head. This time can help you clear your mind and calm any lingering emotions. Use this clarity to take a moment of reflection, thinking through the words you’re about to say. This can make a big difference in how you communicate, especially in emotionally charged situations.
Try using mental filters
Before speaking, ask yourself these three questions. If the answer to any of these questions is no, consider rephrase your message to make it more meaningful, or choose not to speak at all.
Is what I’m about to say true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
Practice active listening
Fully focus on the speaker and try to understand their message and intention to help you think more clearly about your words and their potential impact.
Lean into empathy
Consider the other person’s feelings and perspective before speaking. Practicing empathy is an important part of communication and can alter what you plan to say for the better.
Consider your impact
Will your message be helpful or hurtful? Will it contribute positively to the conversation? By thinking through the impact of your words, you can choose words that promote understanding and cooperation.
Use “I” statements
Express your feelings and thoughts without blaming or criticizing others. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I don’t get a chance to speak.” This promotes open and non-confrontational communication.
Incorporate mindfulness
Becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings in the moment can help you remember to pause and think before speaking, leading to more thoughtful, intentional, and mindful communication.
Seek feedback if needed
Trusted friends or mentors might offer suggestions to help you become more aware of your communication habits and make necessary changes.
12 tips for implementing thinking before you speak
Learning to think before you speak can be challenging for some. But with consistent effort and the right strategies, it can become a natural part of your communication style and way of life.
1. Set personal communication goals
Decide what you want to achieve in your conversations, such as being more patient, listening actively, or avoiding impulsive remarks.
💙 Learn to master your Listening skills while talking with others during our Relationship with Others Series.
2. Make mindfulness and meditation part of your daily routine
Set aside time each day for mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, body scans, or meditation to help you develop greater self-awareness and control over your impulses.
💙 Take a deep dive into the basics of mindfulness with Jeff Warren’s 30-day Mindfulness for Beginners course.
3. Seek feedback from trusted friends or mentors
Ask people you trust to give honest feedback about your communication style. Use their insights to refine your approach.
💙 Learn how Facing Feedback can help you grow with help from Jay Shetty.
4. Try journaling
Write about conversations where you took time to think before you spoke — and those where you didn't. Analyze what went well, what held you back, and what could be improved to help you identify patterns and track your progress.
💙 Take a moment to connect with your thoughts, habits, and feelings by Checking in with Yourself.
5. Use reminders to reinforce your habits
Prompt yourself with a sticky note on your desk, a background on your phone, or another item that, when you see it, reminds you to pause and reflect before speaking.
💙 Stop and Connect with your body, mind, and thoughts often to effectively begin a new habit that positively benefits you.
6. Pause and reflect
Before responding in a conversation, take a moment to reflect on what you want to say. This gives you time to consider your words and their potential impact, so you can give more thoughtful responses.
💙 Discover how to become more thoughtful with your responses with Respond, Don’t React, a guided meditation from Eric López, PhD.
7. Practice empathy
Consider the other person's perspective before you speak. Ask yourself how your words might make them feel and whether your message is respectful and kind.
💙 Hone your Empathy skills with Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others Series.
8. Develop active listening skills
Focus on fully understanding the speaker's message before you respond. Show you’re listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing verbal acknowledgments.
💙 Pair your active listening with Skillful Questioning to round out your improved communication style.
9. Use role-playing exercises
Create scenarios where you need to pause and consider your response, and practice them with a friend or mentor to help you build mindful communication habits in a low-pressure environment.
10. Learn from your mistakes
Recognize that you may not always succeed in thinking before you speak, and that's okay. Use slip-ups as learning opportunities to reflect on what happened, and how you can handle similar situations better in the future.
11. Join a communication skills group
Take a class focused on improving communication skills for a supportive practice environment where you can receive constructive feedback.
12. Be patient with yourself
Developing the habit of thinking before you speak takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your progress, no matter how small.
💙 Learn to be patient with others by first cultivating more Patience for yourself.
Think before you speak FAQs
How can I remind myself to think before I speak in high-pressure situations?
In high-pressure situations, it can be hard to remember to pause and reflect before you respond. Fortunately, mindful strategies can help.
Deep breathing: Practice taking deep breaths when you feel pressured to respond quickly. This can help calm your mind and give you time to think.
Mental reminder cues: Use a phrase like ,“Pause and think,” or “Take a moment,” to remind yourself to slow down.
Regular mindfulness practice: Improve your ability to stay present and calm in stressful situations with a daily mindfulness or meditation practice.
Visual reminders: Use a sticky note or a mantra to prompt you to think before you speak, especially in high-pressure times.
Role-play scenarios: Practice handling high-pressure situations through role-playing exercises to help you become more comfortable with pausing under stress.
What are some common mistakes people make when they don't think before they speak?
When people speak impulsively, they often make mistakes that can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
Hurtful comments: Impulsive words can be harsh, damaging relationships and trust.
Miscommunication: Unclear or confusing messages can cause misunderstandings.
Overreacting: Responding emotionally without pausing can escalate situations unnecessarily.
Interrupting: Not thinking before you speak can cause you to be disrespectful and disruptive.
Regretful remarks: Impulsive comments can cause stress and necessitate apologies.
How can parents teach their children the importance of thinking before they speak?
There are tips that can help parents teach children about thinking before they speak. Develop mindfulness with your kids during conversations and in everyday life.
Model mindful communication: Children often learn by example. Show them how to pause and reflect before they speak by practicing mindful communication yourself.
Teach empathy: Encourage children to consider how their words might affect others. Discuss the importance of kindness and understanding in communication.
Use age-appropriate language: Explain the idea of thinking before speaking in a way that’s easy for children to understand.
Set clear expectations: Remind your children that you expect them to think before they speak, especially in important or emotional situations.
Practice: Role-play with your children and their toys so they can practice pausing and thinking before responding. Learning through play can help them develop the habit in a fun way.
Praise thoughtful communication: Praise your children when they remember to think before they speak.
How do I practice thinking before speaking at work?
Practicing thinking before speaking in a professional setting can improve your communication in the workplace.
Prepare for meetings: Before a meeting, review the agenda and prepare your thoughts to help you speak more thoughtfully.
Listen actively: Listen to others before you reply to ensure your comments are relevant and considerate.
Take notes: Jot down key points during conversations to give you time to think and remember important details.
Pause before responding: In discussions, take a pause before you speak to help you organize your thoughts.
Ask clarifying questions: If you’re unsure about something, ask questions before responding. This shows you’re thoughtful and engaged.
Use “I” statements: This approach is less likely to be perceived as confrontational.
Seek feedback: Ask colleagues or mentors for insights and suggestions to help you improve your communication style.
Practice mindfulness: Practice regularly to help you stay calm and focused at work, making it easier to think before you speak.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
